Thursday, December 30, 2010
I confess I have not slept very well this week but it is a good thing now. Many to-do lists of last minute things we need to get done before we go get the wee boy have been running through my head every night.
I confess I shouted "OH MY GOD!" really loud three times and looked wildly back and forth at my mom and my hubby as I was reading the email and telling them the visa was in. Then I promptly erupted in to entire body-wracking sobs!!!
I confess I will not be sad to see 2010 go. This year was filled with lots of pain, anxiety and anger that I would prefer not to remember. There were some very good times this year but over all when looking back at it I will remember the pain.
I confess I ate way to much food this year....as always I say "self, you will not eat so much food this Christmas" and then someone opens up a box of chocolates.
I confess I have not been to the gym in almost 2 weeks...eek!
I confess I have got the wee boy's bags packed already....and I have my mom ( and Cheryl) to thank for it because I would still be sitting on the floor in his room with clothes piled around me crying because I wouldn't be able to decide what size of anything to take...
I confess I will not be putting the dates we are leaving on our trip to bring our wee boy home on my blog because that is just not smart in the crazy world of the internets...but if you know me and want to know the details and have my email....well feel free :)
I confess the trip can't come soon enough and if I had my druthers we would be leaving tomorrow (inside joke on the druthers - ha ha ha)!
I confess I wish I could give each of you who read my blog a giant hug because I wouldn't have made it through this last year without all of your support!
I confess I am wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and the very best for 2011!!!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Visa is in the house!!!!!!!
We can go and get him!!!!
He is ours and we are his!
WE HAVE A VISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, we are VerKlempt!
Talk amongst yourselves :)
Friday, December 24, 2010
I confess my mom has been here all week and it has been so nice. I love my mom and spending time with her.
I confess we got some beautiful Christmas cards this year from friends near and far.
I confess I didn't send out any cards this year and I send them every year. Just didn't have it in me.
I confess my heart is still aching for the loss of our sweet Suki - I had her for 13 years..she was my best friend.
I confess I have a week off and I am looking forward to relaxing and spending time with my husband.
I confess I am sad we still have not heard about our visa. Why do they take so long?
I confess I will be glad to usher in 2011 because 2010 was not great.
I confess I am wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Our sweet girl Suki...
She of the beautiful green eyes..
...has travelled on ahead of us....
...but she will forever and always be in our hearts!
Goodbye our sweet Suki. She of the beautiful green eyes.
We love you and will miss you!
Friday, December 17, 2010
I confess I haven't done any Christmas baking at all yet. I hope to get some in next week.
I confess I have a lot of people on mind right now. Some are dealing with stigmas from the very people who are "supposed" to love and support them...others are dealing with the loss of a loved one. There is one who is still facing the "C word" but who we hope with ever fibre of our being will have good news in the New Year. There are friends of mine who are waiting to hear about court dates, visas and referrals! You are all on my mind! All of the time.
I confess I am done my Christmas shopping - thanks to Bolt Upright and all of her fantastic Internet recommendations :) Shopping from home really is the best Christmas gift one could ever give themselves.
I confess my sweet, girlie-cat Suki is not doing well. She is sick again...she is old. So old...I love her so much and I hope we still have a few more days with her yet.
I confess I haven't been crying nearly as much and my tear ducts are thanking me for it.
I confess the wee boy's room is ready but I am not ready to share photos yet...but it is the cutest, darn room ever!
I confess I haven't watched any of my favourite Christmas movies yet..not one. "A Christmas Story" "Elf" and "Love Actually" - I love those movies.
I confess I have been going to the gym again and it has been good. I have learned I can only push myself so far and that I don't have to compete with everyone else...just finishing is good!
I confess my husband is my rock. He is my sanity when I am...let's call it "not all there"...ya, I like that. I love him with all my heart!
I confess I need to go and shower now - sniff, sniff! Whew! did you get a load of that????
I confess while Christmas is feeling empty I still love the glow of the Christmas trees in windows of people's homes and the crunch of the snow beneath my feet as we walk through our neighbourhood to see the lights.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
It is slowly eating away at my insides.
I think it is made worse by the fact Christmas is almost upon us and once again we will not have our wee one home with us.
We have been incredibly busy at work the last couple of weeks which has helped keep me distracted...until today.
I glanced at the calendar and realized Christmas eve is next Friday! Which means Christmas is the next day....
The holiday season seems empty to me this year. I am glad my mom is coming for a visit but the pressure of running here and there to visit all kinds of extended family and friends we haven't seen in a long time is starting to cause me to become bloated with emotions.
I can't (nor do I want to) face the onslaught of questions people will have for us.
Q - Still no baby?
A- Nope, still no baby and now he is a toddler.
Q - Why is it taking so long?
A- Your guess is as good as mine - I could answer this honestly but watching people's eyes glaze over as we tell them how the last 17 months have gone is almost more painful then all the questions.
Q - Why do you keep waiting? Aren't there other options?
A- We keep waiting because he is our son.
Q - Why don't you go to Africa and be with him.
A- We would love to but after all we have been through since we got his referral we are so scared something else could come up...we want to be in Africa with him. Trust me we do! (There are reasons we can't and we don't feel the need to justify them to anyone)
Q - How do you do it?
A - I don't know anymore - we just do.
Statement - surely it will happen soon...hang in there.
Me (thinking to myself) - Soon. SOON! Yes, surely it will happen soon! Good grief! It has been 17 months...THAT IS NOT SOON!
Me (actually saying) - yes surely it will happen soon - sigh!
I would much rather climb into bed until all this Christmas hubabaloo is done...or have a long hot shower until we get the call the visa is in.
Anything other than face Christmas without Ade. Again!
Monday, December 13, 2010
It is the start of a new week.
A new week of waiting...wondering...worrying.
Anxiety is always highest on Mondays as you anticipate what the week will bring. Will be it good news or bad? Will we hear anything at all?
Tuesdays you think "o.k. Monday is over news should have been gained and today it might be delivered to those of us waiting".
Wednesday is certainly the day you will hear something...everyone knows Wednesday is the day of news. Right?
Thursday your hope is waning. Oh I guess there won't be anything this week....but wait, there is always Friday!
Friday comes and goes. Either you have had the news you are waiting on or you haven't but either way you know the weekend is upon you and have 2 beautiful days where your brain can rest from all the fretting and wondering and checking of phones and emails.
Mondays though....they are always the hardest!
Friday, December 10, 2010
I confess I did not get to read many blogs this week because of the above said uber busy week and I really want to catch up and see what you have all been up to.
I confess I have had dessert 4 times since Saturday...4 times..."tis the season" and my stomach is not loving me right now not to mention my sugar levels are whacked right out.
I confess I saw a license plate early this week that made me laugh, in fact, I am still laughing about it right now. Oh ya, I should tell you what it said "Sheesh" - ah ha ha ha "Sheesh". Best license plate EVER!
I confess I have gone to the gym 4 times this week - yeah me! - this should somewhat counterbalance all the dessert I have had. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
I confess last night we went over to a very good friend's house for dinner and it was an excellent time...great food, fantastic conversation and Wii Golf! Oh ya, I rocked the Wii Golf! Wii bowling...not so much!
I confess I read my friend Jess's blog this week where she talked about "Focus" and I completely related to feeling "blurry". She described how I have been feeling the last 2 months to a T! Incredibly blurry! It is good to know there are people who truly understand how you are feeling even if your experiences are vastly different. Much love to you Jess for sharing your story and feelings with us.
I confess to being excited about my momma coming for Christmas this year...she will be here in a week and 2 days!
I confess to being so distracted that I can't read a single book. I am a reader people! A reader! I have 4 books on the go and none are progressing at all....this isn't like me....I usually read a book a week! I miss the time I spend reading. It is usually a great distraction for me but the blurriness doesn't lend well to concentration.
I confess we have been hoping to be somewhere else for Christmas but that seems to be a fading dream right now...we would go on a wing and prayer but honestly...so much has happened over the last year it has definitely knocked our spontaneity level down a few notches...instead we have become overly guarded and cautious.
I confess this is a long post and I should say "Adieu".
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
I confess I got an email from a friend for a recipe exchange and thought "um, hmmm, no I don't think so." But then thought "oh, why not" and now I have already received 3 lovely recipes and I LOVE recipes!!! (Ahem, sorry to those of you who got the email from me but come on - just do it! hee!)
I confess Sunday will be the day we officially declare the Christmas season has arrived at the Ranavan household...the tree and decorations will be dusted off and removed from the basement. Trimming will occur and we will hit the light switch and then sit in wondrous awe! (Sorry hubby, you have to help!)
I confess I need to be somewhere in just over an hour and I haven't showered yet...eep! I better get typing.
I confess I do not where 2010 went and can NOT believe it is almost 2011!
I confess Christmas gift giving has me in a quandary this year....I don't know what to get people. Help!
I confess I am dog-tired these days...dragging my sorry #ss out of bed in the cold, dark mornings has been hard.
I confess I love my adoption community!!!!!!
I confess I have to go....I am about to be very late...less than an hour now......
Saturday, November 27, 2010
A giant, audible sigh of relief.
As well as a few tears too.
He is healthy!!!!!
All is good....no further testing required.
Only clarification was needed and the medical will be sent back to Nairobi next week!!!
I can tell you we are happy. Cautious....but happy!!
Pretty, please with chocolate and wine on top, we need all the positive VISA, VISA, VISA energy we can get if you would be so kind as to send some out to the universe.
Friday, November 26, 2010
I confess I got a Snuggie as a gift for my birthday this week and I love it! I'm wearing it as I type. I can type this confession while snuggled up all cozy and warm because my Birthday Snuggie has ARM HOLES!!!! I tell ya it is the gift that keeps on giving.
I confess I really want to see the next installment of Harry Potter but no one I know has read all the books or seen the other movies so I just may have to go by myself because this is one movie you have to see in the theatre.
I confess that I am not a Rider fan but will likely jump on the bandwagon this Sunday and watch the "big" game....hopefully this year "big" doesn't mean more than 12 players on the field! (Only Saskatchewanians will get this reference likely)
I confess this week I have had some people on my mind. People who have gone thru something no one should go through ever. My heart breaks for their loss and I send them love and strength.
I confess I have a friend on my mind who is dealing with something scary...as in the "C" word scary....I don't think anyone can imagine what it is like to hear those words...I send them love, strength and courage.
I confess when I was a kid I used to think being an adult would be so much easier....than I got to be an adult and realized I was really wrong.
I confess my two girlie cats, Suki and Sammi, are curled up next to me as write this and I love them to bits and can't believe they have been mine for over 13 years.
I confess tomorrow night we are going out with new friends and I am excited by the prospect of getting to know to them.
I confess my hubby and I are going to a mineral spa Saturday for the night and I am looking forward to floating in the warm water filled with minerals and letting the stress of our seemingly-endless wait slide off of me as I enter the water.
I confess it is time for me to go bed and rest my weary, red, and very puffy-from-crying eyes.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Maybe more so than what we are hearing.
No clue what the test is/was.
Medical appointment was yesterday but still nothing.
So we don't know it if is a little something or a big something!
On the MP side of things, they seem to be more "understanding" should we say.
We have a meeting with him....so we'll shall see soon enough what unfolds.
Honestly, I do not have one shred of sanity left...
I hope no one of importance reading this blog judges me based on that little nugget of information I have shared.
I feel I have earned the right to say my sanity is gone.....yours would be too.
This is all so redonkulous!
That's right, I said it -REDONKULOUS!
Friday, November 19, 2010
I confess my husband and I are addicted to "Mad Men" - we are savouring Season 4 because it is a long time to Season 5.
I confess to feeling better today because yesterday someone gave me permission to let my worries go for a while and it was needed because I wouldn't give myself permission and it was crippling me.
I confess to being proud of knowing some very strong, brave women who speak their truths even when they are doubtful anyone is reading or cares.
I confess to still being in my pajamas while I am working.
I confess it is frickin' cold here today (-25, -33 with the windchill) and I wish I lived somewhere warm with a beach right now.
I confess I am going to lunch today with 2 of my co-workers who I don't get to see because I work at home now and I am looking forward to it.
I confess I made my first ever stew yesterday and it turned out pretty good...used bison meat and red wine in the ingredients and let it simmer in the crock pot all day..mmmmmmm!
I confess to not going to the gym very much in the last week and when I went yesterday I felt stronger for it.
I confess I have finally come to the realization "the best laid schemes of mice and men/ go oft awry" is actually true and I don't like it one bit.
I confess the above realization has humbled me and made me realize not all is within my control.
I confess I could go on and on today as I feel like confessing but I will stop now.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
We know Nairobi has requested further medical testing or clarification (take your pick) but they won't tell us what...and we have asked..believe me we have asked.
If you look up vague in the dictionary you will see a picture of CHC Nairobi!
We have asked our MP to help us - to say he is unwilling is an understatement! I am still scratching my head trying to figure out how an elected official dismisses one of its constituents at the drop of a hat.
All we want to know is what test they are doing. It's not to much to ask.
Our agency doesn't get to see the medical instructions but we are hopeful the immigration doctor will tell them what is needed sometime this week or early next when they take our boy for his appointment.
We are fearful it is a sputum testing which takes 8 weeks to get results....8 weeks! If this is the case it will be sometime in 2011 before we get to bring him home....a fact which has me absolutely losing my mind...
I have been asking a lot of Why? questions lately.
Why is this happening to him?
Why is this happening to us?
Why does no one seem to want to help us get answers? (and by this I mean our government officials)
Why, after all we have been through, does there seem to be more shit being dumped on us?
Many scenarios have crossed our mind as to what we can do, but until we know what test they want we can't implement any plan of action.
If anyone has any ideas as to what we can do, we'll take them.
Friday, November 12, 2010
I confess I have no energy to write anything because of said sickness.
I confess I am waiting for my hubby to bring me some soup from my favourite restaurant.
I confess I am going back to sleep now.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
We. can. not. take. another. step.
You, and by that I mean, every single person who reads our blog....
...show your immense love and support!!!
Amazing!!!! It leaves us standing in awe...literally.
So, this week, we are feeling better.
We don't know what extra testing they want done or why.
We are asking lots of questions.
We are reading lots of immigration mumbo jumbo.
We waiting for answers.
I can tell you the Hague Convention is not the most stimulating read...but read it I am...
Also, could CIC make their documents any more difficult to understand - "R117(1)(g)(iii)(B) and R117(3)(e) blah, blah, blah!"
Maybe I will become a consultant on all things adoption and immigration when all this done...or maybe not!
So, we thank you!
For offering to write, email, call...
...we might take you up on that offer....
We'll keep you posted.
Friday, November 5, 2010
I confess I am confused as to why!
I confess I do not understand the Immigration system and how it works.
I confess it makes me mad our child will not be home with us anytime soon.
I confess I am disappointed in my country, our goverment and how they treat its Canadian Citizens at this moment.
I confess I am not sure I have the energy to go on any longer.
Friday, October 29, 2010
2. I confess my cat Suki is driving me CRAZEEE in the head. She is 13 years old and requires insulins shots twice a day. One day we ran out of needles and didn't get any for a couple of days...she seemed to do o.k. so she has been off the junk for 3 weeks now. Why is she driving me crazeee in the head? She is like a whole new cat...she jumps on us, she licks our head while we are sleeping, she gets on the counter in the kitchen and knocks stuff off to get our attention - all things she did when she was kitten...if she was sick still she would be laying in the tub trying to drink the bath water while I'm in it.
3.I confess I promised myself to blog more and tried to blog everyday this week. I did it!
4.I confess that while I love my husband very much I have developed a crush on Ed Helms, Andy from the Office. He is so goofy and silly - it's endearing!
5. I confess I am NOT ready for winter mainly because we didn't have summer!
6.I confess I do not understand how there can be so many "SAW" movies...I'm pretty sure one was enough but 7 of them!!!! And now in 3D!!!!
7. I confess I am terrified to touch my eyes...now I mean the actual eyeball...if I get something in my eye like an eyelash there is no way I am going in after it....just the thought of it makes my stomach turn...I had lasik eye surgery 5 years ago...it's a good thing they give you ativan for that or I wouldn't have made it through it.
8. I confess to have stopped packing for Ethiopia - I was all gung-ho and was getting the bags all ready and now have stopped....the fear of it all is just too much.
9. I confess all Ithink about these days from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed is our son.
10. I confess this whole Randy Quaid debacle has me losing my mind...funny how someone with warrants out for his arrest can come to Canada and ask for Refugee status based on the fact some "Hollywood Star Whackers" are out to get him...hmmmmmm seeking Refugee Status from the United States....now that is a new one...and of course...Canadian Immigration is thinking about it...Hello!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sometimes you need to take care of work first thing in the morning - especially when you own your business...so this morning we made it a working breakfast! Side by side the two of us working away whilst eating some tasty eats - that's an avocado, spinach, and tomato omelet in case you were wondering
Yesterday was a really hard day..thank you all for listening.
I realized later in the day I had miscalculated and said we had been waiting 16 months...in fact it has been 15 months...still way too long!
For those of you not in the know (I had a couple people ask), we received our referral July 28,2009...beginning of January 2010 we were told they could not get all the paperwork needed and weren't sure it would come. (This was not because of the Oromia region)
Eventually it did come 2 .5 months later and we moved on to the next part getting a court date. Just as we got to the court date all the new changes in Ethiopia started to take effect. One was that all dossiers over 2 years old would need an update....of course we were affected by this so our first court date was postponed by a month. The other was a new 2 trip court date rule was put in....we just made it through that one and didn't have to worry about travelling twice.
June 2 we legally became Ade's parents.
It took 2 months to get the docs ready to send to Nairobi and July 23 everything left for Kenya.
We thought the medical had already arrived and been completed because we were told it was...then we found out mid-August it wasn't even in yet...you can imagine what I thought about that.
It arrived Aug 23 and our wee son was taken for his first exam.
We received an email a day later saying he had the exam and the medical was on the way back to Nairobi.
Then we found out 2 days later the doc was concerned with a slight cough he had and put him on antibiotics for a week and the medical had not been signed off or sent back.
Another week later the doc was still concerned and so another round of antibiotics was suggested.
As a final assurance all was well, a chest x-ray was ordered....a week later the specialist read it and it was clear...no TB!
Finally, everything appears to now be in the capable hands of the visa officers in Nairobi.
This last wait....it is harder than any of the other waits we have had....knowing we are so close to bringing him home yet not knowing when or how long it will be...
It is hard.
I didn't know it would be this hard!
Thank you for allowing me to tell you about it - you have no idea how it helps to hear from you all.
After all this time, you are still here for us, supporting us, and believing for us it will happen.
Much love to all!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
October 28, 2010.
The number of months we have been waiting since we got our referral.
I haven't been counting the months at all...or I tried not to.
Tomorrow has been creeping into my head all week.
I am not sure why now but it could be anyone of the following reasons:
I am tired.
I am defeated.
I am deflated.
I am sad.
I am not sleeping.
I am angry.
I am frustrated.
I am worried.
I am hurting.
I feel like I'm living a nightmare which I can't seem to wake up from.
I feel like this will never end for us.
I just want it to be over and our son to be home with us.
Tomorrow is 16 months since we saw our wee son's face for the first time.
Since then he has grown into a handsome little toddler.
I just want our son to be home with us.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I love Glee!!
I love The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
But only when you dress up, go to theatre and yell at the screen and throw props!!!!
So fun!!!! I haven't done it since...well...since a long time ago!
Tonight, in honour of the show, I am making Meatloaf!
Get it! Meatloaf!!!
(Meatloaf plays Eddie in the movie and Frank-N-Furter kills him and serves him to the guests - Oh, it's just a movie people!)
I think I'll make Yvan get up and do the Time Warp with me too!!!
If you watch carefully you will see a very young Susan Sarandon who plays Janet, one of the main characters, and also a very prominent drama Prof from our University, Henry Woolf, was one of Frank-N-Furter's party guests...and Tim Curry! Oh my Tim Curry! I love him in this role!
“So come up to the lab
And see what’s on the slab
I see you shiver with antici…pation
But maybe the rain
Isn’t really to blame
So I’ll remove the cause
But not the symptom”
I know, I know!
I'm a geek!
Or should I say....
Monday, October 25, 2010
I really liked it at first but I think it might have had to do with it being summer.
Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy not having to get up and get myself to an office at a specific time.
Now I can roll out of bed at 8:15 in the a.m. go downstairs, make a tea, grab a bite to eat and head down to my office in the basement by 8:25.
I like that a lot!
Many times I'm still in my pajamas - hee!
Fall has set in and it is darker in the morning and gloomier in the day what with clouds rolling in leaking precipitation which will eventually lead to snow and I find myself feeling lonely.
I'm a social person...I like to have people to talk to and now I find I talk to myself a lot, and the cats and dogs too.
We set up a really nice office for me in the basement. It is cheery and bright and I have surrounded myself with my books (which I love) but there are times I just like to be upstairs where I can peer out the window of our dining room and see the world going by.
For instance, I just saw our retired neighbours come home from the grocery store!
So, today, it is particularly gloomy out as it can be the last week of October with Halloween looming and so I sit at the kitchen table gazing out the window trying to focus on work.
Friday, October 22, 2010
1. I confess I have been lacking motivation to blog lately mainly because it would be a lot of me boo hooing about how I am feeling and really who needs that?
2. I confess I made a batch of whole wheat chocolate chip cookies this morning for my homemade pizza date night tonight with Yvan and I have already eaten 3 cookies.
3. I confess I am writing this post while propped up in bed with my dogs and cats cuddled up to me and watching another episode of House Hunters and it is 11:38 a.m.
4. I confess this week has been a long, hard, boring week.
5. I confess I have been wearing one particular pair of super, duper, comfy sweat pants I recently bought a lot! I mean a lot...like almost every day...no, o.k. every day...and I might have even worn them to the grocery store (I do not wear sweat pants out in to the world) once or twice.
6. I confess to eating McDonald's this week and enjoying it while eating it only to get intense gut rot immediately after taking my last bite and wishing I hadn't crumbled to the call of the Golden Arches and how my body tried its best to get the aforementioned food out and Yvan was the one who was punished by the warfare ensued by my intestinal tract...hee hee! Sorry honey!
7. I confess to overindulging on Amazon this week on some books solely for my personal reading pleasure...I can't wait to read "My Booky Wook" by Russell Brand.
8. I confess I am super excited for this Tuesday because it is Glee Tuesday and this coming week they are doing "The Rocky Horror Glee Show" and I am all about Rocky Horror!!!!
9. I confess to not being good at phone calls anymore. I used to be a good friend who called people every week...hmmmmmm...not so much anymore. Sorry to all my friends!
10. I confess to not being the best wife this week to my husband and appreciate more than he knows the fact he deals with my "exorcist-like" behaviour very well :)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
I AM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like Steve Martin in "The Jerk"...you know the scene where his wife leaves him and he says:
"I don't need you, all I need is this lamp! This lamp and this chair..." and goes on and on and is eventually wandering down the street with all the things he doesn't need except for...
It is taking all my will power not to run up and down the street yelling "WHEN WILL OUR VISA COME?!" with random articles of furniture from our house as being all I need...but really all I need is OUR SON HOME!!!!
I have been trying to play it cool....trying to be the brave gal who can face anything and take anything...but I feel the facade crumbling....I don't feel cool at all...I feel like a
I have been searching the Internets again for answers....just like when we were waiting for our referral...which by the way was almost 15 months ago...I try not to linger on that most days because it would drive me to drink if I did but sometimes it pops into my head especially around the holidays (Happy Thanksgiving all!).
But alas, the answers aren't there...they are far away in Nairobi...sitting on a desk of some stranger who has the power in their hands to determine "yes, you will be a family" (I won't think about any other options) and waiting for said stranger to stamp our son's passport with the little, tiny stamp we need to bring him home is making me
Please let the visa come soon....please!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
So gross, ya, I know...but true.
My anxiety level has reached an all time high whereas I feel like I could spew at any and every moment of the day.
I wake up feeling nauseous and I go to bed feeling the same way.
We have been slowly working on the room.
The slowness with which we are getting the room ready....makes me want to vomit!
I would prefer to have the room ready by now. However, this is not the case and I have to deal with it. Slow is better than not at all. (Newsflash! We will be doing a weekend room blitz because I have declared it so!)
Washing of all clothes for the wee one has begun. Now, how this wee little dude ended up with 15 sleepers all size 18-24 months is beyond me. 15!!!! That is not counting the onesies we have (which I refuse to count because I am not sure he will even need to wear onesies at all.)
And so, our little dude will be wearing a lot of sleepers just so I can justify the fact I purchased so many. (I am sure this will be the basis of many future therapy sessions when he is an adult) When did I purchase 15 sleepers anyways???? Oh ya, it was the times I was at Costco and my cart would go into autopilot and guide itself over to the kids clothes. I rue the day you came into existence Costco for more than one reason but mainly because you make the cutest sleepers for $7.98 plus tax. And yes, I know I shouldn't buy these sleepers mass produced in another country, most likely by child labour but they are SO CUTE!!! The fact I have fallen into the oh-so-cleverly laid trap of this behemoth makes me feel queasy.
While washing all the clothes and going through what we have, I get anxious again. Do we have enough socks? What about t-shirts?? Pants??? Sweaters????? It gets cold where we live. Very cold!
What about shoes? I haven't been able to buy shoes yet because we aren't sure what size his feet are! Will he be shoeless and taunted by all the other children because his parents weren't capable enough to determine shoe size!?????
Oy vey...I need to lay down before I toss my cookies from the worry of "Will we be able to handle properly clothing our child?"
In August, my momma was in town for a visit, so I enlisted her as well as my mom and sis-in-law to help me shop for the necessities of raising a toddler. So I set about creating a list of what we would need to have with us for our trip to Ethiopia and once we were back at home
The number of items on my list for "toiletries" for wee one.
This number is brought to me by family, friends and fellow adoptive parents who have BTDT and passed on their lists to me.
We need a suitcase just for the toiletries...seriously?
Then there is the question of what to pack for clothes for him, toys to keep to him occupied, food for the trip home so he doesn't think we are inept at feeding him as well.
This all leads into - How will the first meeting go? Will he even want to come to us? What will be thinking as we whisk him away from all he knows? For certain he will be thinking "Who are these people who clearly have no experience at parenting?"
I need some of the Baby Gravol I purchased to keep the waves of nausea in my stomach at bay.
O.k. so getting ready for our little dude clearly has a huge vomit factor.
But so does the wondering! The waiting.
Has our medical left yet? How long until it gets to Nairobi? Will it get lost along the way?
When will someone look at it? How much time will take them to review it? Will it be weeks or months until the Visa is issued?
Insert commercial for Rescue Remedy here because without it I would not be able to stay sane.
Normally, when dealing with a stressful situation, I would try to empty the entire contents of the fridge and pantry into my mouth at once...but the thought of our most delicious homemade pizza or my favourite dessert (Schmoo) totally makes me want to gag as in "Like, Oh MY GAWD, gag me with a spoon".
The vomit factor.
On a scale of 1 - 10...
...I am running at an 11!
Friday, September 17, 2010
After the longest wait ever!!!!
Carolyn and Adam are going to Ethiopia to bring home their son!!!!!
Carolyn and I have become very good friends through our crazy adoption journeys...and quite frankly I would be a babbling mess wondering around the streets and yelling "F#$K" out loud in middle of the grocery store (he he right Tova) if it wasn't for her.
We are so happy for them!!!!
They are days away from being united as a family of 3 and we are overjoyed!!!
Safe travels friends!
Much love to you all!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Did you feel a huge wind gust and or get a sudden rush of water in your area?
It was just us finally breathing and then the gush of tears following because we are so happy he is healthy!!!!
O.k. now the chanting must begin!
VISA, VISA, VISA!!
Chant with us please!!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
We thought it was done, because we were told it was, only to then be told it wasn't.
That is the sound made when your balloon of hope slowly deflates.
We know we are lucky to be where we are and that it will happen but it just seems like the "will happen" part keeps getting pushed back.
Just when we think we will be able to reach out and finally hold him.....roadblock.
So, we wait for results from a test to come back....a doctor being thorough for his sake which we appreciate....hard nonetheless.
He is well. He is not sick. Still a delay while a question is answered.
Hence my lack of blog posts.
I find it a battle these days to write anything.
So when we know "What is the What?" we will let you know.
Until then we are taking a break, going for long walks and dreaming of our boy.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Knowing he was getting older as the days go by, we just didn't want to spend the money on a crib he might use for a month or two or may never use at all.
We didn't want to put him right in to a big boy bed either because we know the kids in the Foster home in Ethiopia stay in crib type beds for a long time and are used to them.
So, we searched The Internets and The Googles for beds.
There were lots (actually the amount of kids stuff is redonkulous) to choose from but we really wanted a bed that would eventually be his big boy bed too.
Finally, after a recommended site from friends we found the perfect bed for our boy!
Here are the adventures of putting said perfect bed together!
1. Always read the directions first.2. Get some help from friends
The final product
This bed is low which we wanted in case he decides he wants to get out but still gives him the comfort of being in a crib.
You can also have both guard rails on, or just one or none.
When he has outgrown the toddler bed, we can convert it to a twin bed with the guardrails as the end of the bed and the back of the bed as the head board.
We both cried when the bed was put together...it is so teeny weeny!
Now we just need him home so we can put him to bed in it.
P.S. More room pictures to come but we are still waiting on a couple of items. Just wanted to give you a teaser!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Near and far, we have made some very good friends over the last 3 years.
We could not have gotten to this point with out those friends.
Last weekend (August Long - I know this is very late but I was waiting to be sure it was o.k. to post their photos on my blog)
Last weekend we had the absolute pleasure of meeting Laura, Chad and Sara .
They were on their way to Cypress for a family reunion and Laura emailed and asked if they could stop in and meet us on their way down.
We have been emailing for quite sometime and read each other's blogs faithfully, so I jumped at the chance and said of course.
They stayed one night with us and it was so much fun.
It is always a bit nerve wracking meeting new people for the first time. Especially 'Internet friends' because 'Hey, you never know' they might be axe wielding murderers!
But Chad, Laura and Sara were definitely not! They are awesome!
Both Yvan and I felt extremely comfortable with them from the get go and really enjoyed their relaxed, easygoing style.
Laura is amazing to talk to - I felt like I had known her forever.
Sara is a cutie-patootie!! She loved, loved, loved the animals and they loved her too. She wants to be a vet one day and she will be fabulous at it!
We both have a friend, Laura, in common who lives where I live.
She is also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia so her and her family came over for dessert and a visit.
It is so nice to be able to connect with people who understand what you are going through.
Next year, we will all have to meet half way between where we live and you live Chad, Laura and Sara for a visit!!!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
If you see me, you will see a smile on my face, but inside I am ball of worry, fear, stress, anxiousness...
I am worried about our boy. Is he being cared for, fed, loved, cuddled, played with?
Now these aren't new worries. They have always been there.
They are just bubbling up even more now because we know we are close to bringing him home.
You know the old saying "So close yet so far away!"
It's how I feel right now.
It's all I can do to keep myself from booking a flight and heading to Ethiopia tomorrow.
I am worried about how we will bond with our boy.
He has been in the arms of his caregivers for over a year now. Every time I think about taking him out of the world he has known for so long I become overwhelmed with emotion.
We are both trying not to fantasize how our first meeting will go.
We know we won't be doing the slow motion running into the foster home and gathering him up in our arms and him beaming at us with joy thinking "Where have you been all my life?".
We know he will be unsure about us. "Who are these people? Why are they taking me from everything I know? What is happening to me?"
I have been reading all kinds of attachment parenting books about how to make the transition easier for him but honestly I feel like I know even less than I did before.
The reading has helped but it has also opened up the window of endless scenarios of how he will act with us and it has me chewing my fingernails with worry.
How does one feel so ready yet so not ready all at the same time?
We are ready to be parents. and we have been ready for a long time.
But we have never been parents before and this is all so new to us.
We see our friends with their kids and it all seems so easy. But it isn't easy we know that. They have had time with their children and their children are used to them as parents.
My fear is that he isn't ready for us. Of course he isn't. He has no clue we are even coming. He has been with people who know how to care for him for so long. We have no idea what his particular needs are.
O.k. yes, we do - generically - we know he needs food, diaper changes, naps, love, play time....
But we don't know his sounds and cries and what it is that comforts him when he is scared.
We will learn these things over time but right now I am anxious.
I am worried he will be shouting in his little head "These people have no idea what they are doing! Someone help me!" while in reality it will come out as sobs of fear and we won't know how to make him feel and know we are there for him when he needs.
Then the anxiousness of "we have missed so much" kicks in. It has been a year since we first saw his sweet little face and he has grown and changed so much with out us.
It breaks my heart!!
I want to rewind the clock and have that time back with him but I can't.
I look forward to all the firsts we will have together as a family but will always mourn the firsts we didn't get to share with him.
I can't wait for the day they tell us we can go get him but I also dread it because it is the day we take him from the home he has always known.
I feel like I am a babbling baffoon right now...there is so much going on inside of my heart and head.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The first tattoo I got was about 14 years ago and it is a sun on my ankle. There is a story behind this tattoo but I won't get in to it right now. It still looks amazing to me after so long and I love it.
My second tattoo was a cat I had done on my right shoulder. It is a tribute to my two black beauties whom I got when I moved in to my very first apartment by myself (no roommate) 12 years ago and they were just wee babies of 3 months.
They have been my constant companions and filled many lonely nights when I was home alone with chatter and snuggles - I love them.
They are characters beyond characters - at least to me.
My cat tattoo started to fade and look not as pretty so I decided to revive it this summer.
I wanted to do this before our wee little dude comes home because it takes some care afterwards and it is better now sans kids.
Here is my tattoo revival in photos:
So there you have it!
I love it!!! He did the shading behind the cat freehand and I didn't get to see it until was done and I was blown away!
Amazing! Thanks to Pat at Rites of Passage!!!
Also, I just have to point out LOOK HOW LONG MY HAIR IS!!!
I have had short hair pretty much all my life and this is very long for me. I decided to grow it out so that I wouldn't have to blow dry it every day when we have a toddler running around from the minute he gets up to the minute he goes to bed. This way I will be able to throw it up in a pony tail or whatever.
I have literally been avoiding cameras because I didn't want to be "Oh no, I hate my hair I better cut it short again" but I saw these photos and I was all "Who is that gal with the long hair!?"
It's me - hee!
P.S. I know it probably doesn't seem long to most but trust me this is long for me!
P.P.S. I discovered a flat iron is a girl's best friend when growing out your hair!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thank you so much for the lists!
I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it - like ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((this)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) much!
Now, I am going to compile them all and start my shopping.
My mom is coming to town for a visit next week and I am going to put her and Yvan's momma to work helping me shop!!! Hee!
Also, ordered a toddler bed that converts to a double bed and a dresser for Ade's room.
This is a huge step people! It was so hard to press the "confirm your order" button because I am used to living in a state of paranoia but I did it!!!
P.S. Shelley - I loved all your emails and your excel spread sheet -AMAZING!
Seriously, I love you all so much!!!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Actually, I need your lists!!!
Pretty please? With sugar on top?
I have been having a bit of a panic attack this week because I HAVE NOTHING READY!!!
What have I been doing the last, oh 12 months!!!!????
O.k. I know what I have been doing.....waiting...to be sure this was all going to work out.
While nothing is 100% yet until we get that visa, I need to get our bags packed for Ethiopia.
I need lists of what to bring.
My brain is running amok people - AMOK!!!
I have no idea how to pack for a toddler.
I know he needs clothes.
My friend Cheryl suggested lots of toys because he will be busy.
What else do I need?
I know some of you lovely BTDT's have some great lists so could you share your knowledge and experience with me?
Maybe just post 5 or 6 items you absolutely could not have done without.
Do you think you could do that for little old me?
I will send you hugs and kisses if you do :)
Friday, July 23, 2010
I know it seems silly to be celebratory but we had a wee celebration tonight and maybe a tear or two were shed.
It, as many of you know, has been an extremely long haul.
The year anniversary of our referral is next week - who would have thought we would only be at the immigration stage just now...not me that is for sure.
We are still being very cautious - immigration processing used to take 3 weeks, now it can be anywhere from 6 weeks to 16 weeks!!!
But still, we are celebrating in our small way.
I really need to get the room done, clothes purchased, the home child-proofed!
If you build it, he will come!!!!
Say it with me!
IF YOU BUILD IT! HE WILL COME!!
P.S. I might have a had a cocktail or two tonight to celebrate so please excuse any grammatical errors on my part :0
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Kristie, the oh-so talented, cake lady showing her cake! Thank you so much Kristie - you are an amazing friend!
I have been pretty quiet on the adoption front lately. It has been hard to blog about my wait knowing there are good friends of mine going through the hardest time right now. I think of these lovely ladies every day - Steph, Lyndsey, Colleen, Alex, Jen, Bonnie and Kelly (and anyone else who might be caught in Oromia) - know there are so many of us sending love and hugs to you!
It has been almost 7 weeks since we passed court. I did really good the first 4 weeks - there were smiles all around.
Now. the anxiousness is creeping back in.
Last week I was a festival of water works again.
We are ready.
Ade needs to come home.
Our docs should be headed to Nairobi next week if all goes well....and then the final step begins.
It used to take 3 weeks to get a visa and now the new norm is anywhere from 6 to 16 weeks.
I'm not going to set myself up for failure by hanging on to the 6 weeks but I'm also hoping with every fibre of my being it won't be the 16 weeks.
As for Ade's room - well..that is a work in progress. I;m having a hard time with it.
I started cleaning it out - moved the office downstairs and just need to get the big furniture out.
Shopping still needs to be done and I really want to get out and do it but I am still so scared something will go wrong. So I am waiting a bit before I really get into it but I promise to post pictures when it is all done.
It has been a long haul and we both feel like our hearts still need protecting. Logically we know he is coming home but when is the bigger question.
Honestly, until he is in our arms, we won't be able to rest easy.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
In fact, there were severe thunderstorm warnings for most of the evening and for about an hour we were under a tornado warning as well.
Now the storm rolled thru other areas but when they showed the radar for the storm moving thru the province it all looked pretty good and then you saw the big, red square covering only our area.....it's about the only time I wished I lived in Regina :) (oh just kidding - I never wished I lived in Regina - Hee!)
They call it tornadic winds - I was making fun of the radio announcer for using that term "tornadic winds - is that even a word - I think not! Why would he just make up a word like that, what an ass!"
Then Yvan googled "Tornadic Winds" and lo and behold it is a real word:
Main Entry: tor·na·dic
Pronunciation: \tȯr-ˈnā-dik, -ˈna-\
: relating to, characteristic of, or constituting a tornado
Guess the only ass around here is me!
So, we did what anyone would do when there are tornadic winds in the area - we headed to the basement. What do you mean not everyone did that? In our house, if you are married to my husband, you go to the basement!
We had our sleeping blankets,candles, radio, cell phone, water and all 4 fur babies snuggled on the floor in our basement! HA!
After the warning was downgraded we went back upstairs and back to bed!
If you want to see what a torrential down pour looks like after oh 3 hours of storms you can go here.
All right - I am going to catch up on Z's at my desk and await the onslaught of revenge emails from friends in Regina!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
But the wait isn't over yet. On no, not by a long shot.
In fact, this wait, the one we are in now, the visa wait...it is gearing up to be the hardest wait yet I do believe.
Because there isn't anything I can do. Since we got our referral there has been paperwork and emails, and then more paperwork followed by more emails with some phone calls thrown in for good measure and more paperwork and...well you get the picture.
Now, I actually have to sit by and just wait without doing something.
Don't get me wrong.
There are things to be done.
But the things needing to be done aren't things that pertain to me calling, emailing, filling out paperwork and repeating for months on end.
That is all done for now.
Now I just sit and wait for someone to call me and say "You can go get your son".
At that point I will be able to start calling, emailing, and filling out paperwork again for flights, and hotels etc....
...but for now I can only wait.
Oh we are getting his room ready, the house ready, the yard ready...and that is all fine stuff to be doing.
However, since July of last year I have been calling and emailing and filling out paperwork and it made me feel like I was doing my part for my child who is half way around the world being cared by others.
As stressful as it was, it made me feel like I was a part of the process.
I could do some more calling and emailing I suppose to say "Have you heard anything yet?"
But honestly, I think those people need at least 3 1/2 weeks free of me calling and emailing and insisting I send paperwork!
Now, well now I feel like my hands are truly tied....and here I sit, at my computer, searching the blogs, message boards and the Internets for something to make me feel useful.
So if anyone needs someone to do some calling or emailing or filling out paperwork..well you know where to find me.
Friday, June 18, 2010
For me, life is marked by certain songs and brings back memories of key moments of my youth and adult life.
Tonight, we are on our way to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - who I love, love, love!
But the man who is opening for them is legendary and I am more than excited to see him!
Joe Cocker has always been a musician I adore...and his voice is instantly recognizable.
"With A Little Help From My Friends" is one of my favourite songs....and it is certainly poignant for this particular time in my life because I couldn't have survived the last year without the help from my friends near and far!
Monday, June 14, 2010
1. Baking 6 loaves of bread and a dozen buns
2. Going to the gym
3. Hosting a potluck birthday brunch for my bro-in-law JG (Happy Birthday Bro)
4. Going for a bike ride
5. Going for supper with friends
6. Greeting friends at the airport as they arrive home from Ethiopia with their daughter (photos to follow)
All done in that order.
Man, am I glad the weekend is over! I'm exhausted!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
If you remember from this post we had, by way of an accident at a work function and a gift from fabulous friends, decided to do a giraffe theme for our, then unknown, kidlet.
Well, I happened to be on Etsy and found a fantastic baby blanket called "Moon Reach" and I couldn't turn it down. (Alright, I probably could have but I didn't want to.)
So, I took a leap of faith and ordered one and had her add Ade's name on it so that it would be a keep sake for him when he was older (both Yvan and I still have our cuddle blankets from when we were babies).
It came in the mail about a week after we found out there was some paperwork problems with Ade's file and they weren't sure what the outcome would be or if we would be able to bring him home.
I cried for my boy and put the blanket away deep in the back of a closet so I couldn't see it or remember it.
Today, I pulled it out and we are going to finally start on his room...
..and it will have Giraffes in it ...
...and one day, in the not-so-distant future, that room will have Ade in it too...
...cuddled-up, sleeping under this blanket, dreaming of reaching for the moon.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Our court date was actually on Monday, May 31. Originally we had been told it was Sunday, May 30 but we knew court wasn't open on Sundays and when we asked about this they told us our actual date would be the Monday.
Monday came and we were anxious!!
Ummmmm...I was actually crawling the walls...I think Carolyn and I set a record pace for the number of emails we have sent each other in a given day in the first 2 hours of the morning.
Finally, about 10:30a.m. I called Yvan and asked him to call and find out if there was news on court.
He phoned me back and said he was told "you had court today and everything was really good but they have set another date for tomorrow because the consent from MOWA was not in."
O.k. we knew this could happen and both of us were o.k. with it. We were reassured this was very good news.
Later in the afternoon I decided, because as a woman it's my right, that I needed to talk to our agency myself...ask some more indepth questions (ha, not sure what they would have been it was just an excuse to call them)
Call them I did and they said "oh after we talked to Yvan we talked to R and she said the consent from MOWA is there it just came in after your court appearance so that is why they re-booked you for tomorrow. We will call you tomorrow once we have the actual confirm that the judge has officially passed our case"
OK - this is good I thought. And you would say I would relax a bit and you would be right.
Then Tuesday morning came and we thought "right, we should hear by 10:30a.m. Well, that time came and went...so I made Yvan phone again (I was too scared in case it was bad news).
No luck - they hadn't heard anything. So, I emailed and said "is there anyway you can call them or text or email" and they said "we already tried but can't get a hold of them"
By 3:30 I was distraught - what if they changed their minds and decided we weren't going to be good parents, what if the judge got really sick and couldn't come to court...what if, what if what if!
Wednesday morning I was so sad.....I didn't sleep very well...I got up and was making myself breakfast thinking "let it go, you have to just let it go...what will be will be" This has been my new mantra for the last - oh - 5 1/2 months...
And then at 7:55a.m. .....THE PHONE RANG!
I looked at it and it had our agency's name on it and I just about passed out!
So, I said 'hello' all shaky and nervous like....and they said right away "CONGRATULATIONS MOM, YOU PASSED COURT! YOU AND YVAN ARE OFFICIALLY PARENTS"
I must have been squawking pretty loud because Yvan came downstairs and I said "YOU'RE A DAD" and he started crying which in turn got me crying (because until then I was in a state of shock) and I think we almost got our Agency's rep crying too.
After that it was a whirlwind of phone calls to Moms and dads, and siblings and Aunties...and oh boy did the Mommas cry :)
This day was pretty much the best day of our lives.
I want to say THANK YOU to all you who emailed me leading up to court and just before we shared our news.
I had wanted to post what was happening as it was happening but I was so scared of jinxing anything....I was honestly emotionally paralysed and just couldn't answer an email or make a post until we knew 100% what was going on.
And you waited.
The adoption community is like nothing else in the world. Full of love and support!
So, many of you were thinking of us and sending prayers and positive thoughts. Some of you were worried we hadn't passed and were reaching out to let us know you were there for us!
I couldn't have made it through this without all of you - even though I haven't been blogging much and had taken a step back from reading other blogs too...you were still there for us!
Amazing! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
You were our inspiration to keep on when things didn't look so good.
You supported us when we were going through our darkest days even though you were struggling more than we can ever know.
You hoped for us when you had little hope for yourselves at times.
You cared about us, even though we have never met in person, you cared!
Never have I seen such determination and dedication in all my life.
You knew in your hearts Leul was your son and you never gave up hope.
Even when you made the agonizing decision to wait for another referral you still thought of him.
You worried what would become of him and where he would live.
When you were told the option to adopt him was open again...you didn't even hesitate.
Well, now we know what will become of him and where he will live!
He will become your son and he will come home to live with you.
He will be loved, nurtured and cared for by two of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.
We are humbled and honoured to be on this journey with you and we know we will meet you in person in Ethiopia!
Carolyn, I could not have made it through this without your daily emails and support. Yvan also thanks you for it ;)
We send the hugest Congratulations to you - sweet family of 3!!!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I bought my whole grain wheat from New Life Organic Foods
and it is literally a giant sack of wheat..and the mill uses the entire kernel of wheat so you get all of the good stuff not like the grocery store bread which is so processed you aren't getting even half the fibre or nutrients.
Then I use my handy-dandy "Mix n Blend II" - this is a life saver!
AUTO KNEAD PEOPLE!!
It needs the dough for a period of time - generally 2 minutes and shuts itself off when the kneading is done.
IT SHUTS ITSELF OFF!!!
I am in love with this machine!
Then I oil the counter top and my hands to so the dough doesn't stick, 'cause it is sticky!And get to rolling!
I used to work in a restaurant here in town and had to bake buns so I am a whiz at rolling buns!
See - SUPER FAST!!! Ha ha ha!
I use instant yeast so I don't have to let the dough rise - but I do let the rolled out buns or bread rise until about double.
Ready for the oven!
Natasha - I got the recipe from the New Life website for the buns. Can I get your pizza dough recipe prett, please??
20 Minute Buns
2 cups lukewarm water
2 Tbsp yeast
1/3 cup sugar (I use honey instead)
1 tsp salt
2 eggs, well beaten
1/3 cup cooking oil
5-6 cups Flour
Put yeast in water and sugar. Add oil and eggs. Stir. Make a well in the dry ingredients, and add wet ingredients. Mix and knead. Cover and let stand. Shape into buns and let rise until doubled. Bake at 375F for 15-20 minutes. To double recipe use 3 tbsp of yeast. To triple use 4 Tbsp yeast.
I don't follow the recipe for mixing as I indicated because my machine does it differently
If I can bake buns...anyone can!