Thursday, December 31, 2009
Can you believe it?
Midnight tonight will usher in the year 2010.
I remember when I was a kid not even being able to fathom the idea of the year 2000 and how old being 28 seemed to me let alone 2010 and 38...
Yvan has been fond of reminding me lately how none of us are supposed to be here right now and we have been living the last 10 years on borrowed time...of course you have to really, truly know him to know he is being facetious and doesn't really think life as we know it should have ended at midnight in 2000...but now his new schtick is that 2012 is the year we should all be worried about..sigh!
I don't think I have ever had such a tumultuous year as this past one. There were times I wasn't sure I could make it one more day without knowing who our wee one was. Each day seemed to take a month and each month seemed like a year had passed.
As much as time seemed to be like molasses pouring out of a container, taking its sweet ever-lovin' time, it also seemed like time was slipping thru my fingers...you know "like sand through the hour glass" and all. It seemed like I was plunging head first in to my middle age years (don't laugh or pooh, pooh me it is truly how I felt) and hadn't become a parent yet which was "inconceivable".
We decided to fill the time and declared it the "Year of Us"and were going to go on exciting adventures before it wasn't as easy to get up and go.
Off we headed down the yellow brick road of our life which took us to...
The beach where we relaxed and sipped cold drinks while sunning our selves.
Shortly after that we headed to the land of movie stars and paparazzi - L.A. where we had the distinct pleasure of staying with two of the nicest people we have ever met who were waiting for their kids just as we were (now they are a lovely, beautiful family of 4)
Then THE DAY came when everything changed for us.
We became a family!!!
We had baby, a boy, our Ade.
It was the the best day I had ever experienced aside from the day I married Yvan.
In case you don't remember it went like this.
"Inconceivably" we had become parents.
We enjoyed the "referral high" for quite a while and took our final big excursion in the "Year of Us" and headed to a destination which become for both of us Love at First Taxi Ride!!
When we arrived home we hoped the news of a court date would quickly arrive proceeded shortly by the hugely anticipated travel date...
...but sometimes, the road of life is full of unexpected twists and turns. While we both thought these twists and turns were behind us now that we knew we who our wee baby boy was it seemed it was not to be...we are going to experience the rollercoaster ride for a bit longer.
The "Year of Us" has been made possible because of all the love and support we have gotten from family and friends - both non-adoption and adoption alike.
Our families - we have both been blessed with the best families a couple for ask - my mom and auntie, Yvan's parents, sister and brother - have really allowed us to feel what we were feeling, talk when we needed too...not talk when we couldn't...cry, scream, laugh maniacally, and whatever other emotions we found ourselves experiencing. Thru it all they have believed for us when we couldn't. When we are guarding our hearts they hope for us with all of theirs that our dreams will come true. We couldn't be more thankful for their unwavering support...even we snark at them ;)
Our friends - we are lucky to have some truly, great friends in our life...friends we had before we started this crazy journey to family who have stood by us and while maybe don't exactly know what we are going thru let us know they are still there when need them. They allow us our moments of selfishness and kick us in the butts to think about other things too! Thank you for years of friendship - it means more than you know mainly because we don't tell you enough.
Our adoption community - never have I met a group of people so phenomenal in my life. You allow us to pour out our feelings. You seem to like us, really like us! You never judge, just offer unending support, even when I am a broken record of boo hooingness...no one understands like those who are experiencing what you are...there may be varied degrees but at the end of the day you know what it is like to want a family so badly and for it to take so long you think you might just not make it. You have held us up when we couldn't walk...you have opened up and shared your stories with us so we know we are not alone...because if we were alone in this...oh boy..it wouldn't be pretty!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
On the eve of a New Year, we reflect over the past year...we are beyond grateful for all life has given us..loving families, supportive friends, the means to travel, our health, and the ability to communicate and connect with others.
We are thankful for the love we have for a wee boy who WILL, one day, in the year 2010, be ours.
Happy New Year!!!!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Christmas is right around the corner...how did that happen?
We have not heard anything new on the paperwork front since a couple of weeks ago when were told it was promised and was coming....but no confirmation it has arrived.
We did get new photos of our wee boy and he is breathtakingly gorgeous...he has gained weight and is a little chubberton....and he looks so healthy! We are told he is quite the little character and charmer...you just need to see his long lashes and beautiful smile to understand why!
Our hearts ache for some positive news....so hopefully in the New Year we will have some to pass on.
The next week or so is going to be busy with last minute Christmas shopping (because I always leave it to the last second) and getting together with friends!
So, for now I am taking a blog break until after the holidays.
Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all the best in the New Year to everyone we know near and far.
Rana and Yvan
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I am feeling a bit Scrooge and Tiny Tim
Grinch and Cindy-Lou Who
Mr. Potter and George Bailey
about it all.
I go back and forth between being excited about it and wanting to put up all of our decorations
just wanting to crawl in bed and pretend it all isn't happening!!!
Bah Humbug!!!! I say to myself when I think about putting up the tree.
Because I can't stand the fact there won't be a wee one with us on Christmas morning yet again.
We won't have Baby Ade home to open presents with.
I found the most adorable pull sled ever -
I keep picturing him in it and Yvan pulling it but I just can't bring myself to buy it...not yet anyways.
Deck the Halls I find myself singing too though as I get caught up in the Christmas spirit.
I really do love Christmas.
It's not the gift giving but the idea of family and friends getting together to celebrate each other...sitting down for a family meal with all of your loved ones or gathering at someone's house for a glass or two of cheer!
It is what I love the most about the holiday season - and all these things we will be doing.
But part of my heart is sad - I hope this year will be the last year we have a kiddie free Christmas but a teeny weeny piece of me worries it won't...silly I know but there it is.
So, if you see me and I say "Bah Humbug" wait a minute and I will probably sing you a song of the season too!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Don't exclaim, yell, or cheer to loudly just yet...we don't want to frighten it!
It is very sensitive and doesn't like loud noises as it scares very easily.
We need to use our best indoor voices and say things like:
"here little paperwork"
"I've got your favourite...'stamp of approval' waiting just for you"
"we will bundle you up with all of your other little paperwork buddies to keep you safe and warm"
then, it might peak its little head out and realize it will all be o.k. and come join the rest of the fold.
sssssshhhhhh....I think I hear it coming....
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Made some pizzas
(you can tell alot about people by how they make their pizza...)
It was a lovely evening with a great group of people who make us laugh which is just what we needed :)
Friday, November 27, 2009
I have always tried to keep my blog a positive one - a diary of sorts of our journey to become a family. Lately, my positivity is waning...we are still waiting for a document to be finalized. We are told it is being translated.
We had initially been told court application had been made and with that we had an expectation in our mind a date would follow soon after. We have now been told they were incorrect and court application won't be made until the document is finalized. They have no idea how long this will take or when they will be able to apply for court. So, we have had to spend the last week wrapping our heads around that.
It has been difficult to say the least.
However, I want to make it very clear we completely understand this isn't really about us.
It's about a wee baby boy!
Our baby boy!
He doesn't know we are coming. He has no clue how our love is growing more and more each day for him. He doesn't understand how we miss him and long to hold him. He has no comprehension that we wake up every day hoping he is doing well, being cuddled and loved.
We understand the sadness and pain we are feeling is nothing compared to what our little man has, is, and will experience in his young life.
He is trying to figure out what happened in his world that took away a mother he knew and loved and brought stranger after stranger into his life in the form of police officers, orphanage workers, and foster home caregivers.
He will have had 3 different sets of caregivers since leaving the safety and comfort of his mother's arms. We will be the 5th people to care for him...that is a lot of people and he is not going to be a happy little dude. I can't imagine having gone thru 5 different sets of people I thought were going to be the ones to love me forever...can you? All in the first year or so of life...
He will have grief - incomprehensible grief.
We will need to be strong for him. He will need us to let him grieve for all he has lost and we will need to let him know it is o.k. to be sad. Trust will need to be built and it won't be easy. He will be uncertain and extremely scared. It will take a long time but we are in it for the long haul...however long he needs.
This is about him.
As much as I lament about how sad we are...how hard this is for us...we know we have it easy. We have each other...we have our family and friends who we have known for years and years.
Our son hasn't had this stability or support system.
This is about him, his needs and what we can do to start the healing process for him.
So, when I write about how we are feeling ( and I will continue to do so) let it be understood it is because we want our son...our boy...to be in the last and final set of arms to be taking care of him forever.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Good news is Ade is healthy again and doing better!!! This has us feeling relieved. We are happy beyond happy that he is fighting to stay healthy but what we really want is for him to be here with us where we can watch over him and care for him and be the ones to comfort him.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Main Entry: 1tor·ture
Etymology: Middle French, from Old French, from Late Latin tortura, from Latin tortus, past participle of torquēre to twist; probably akin to Old High German drāhsil turner, Greek atraktos spindle
1 a : anguish of body or mind : agony b : something that causes agony or pain
2 : the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure
Uh, ya - No. 1 is what happens when you are STILL waiting to hear if you have a court date!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Fighting pneumonia again.
He is a fighter! Our boy is a fighter.
We are told he is doing well since he got his meds and is now back in the foster home.
But we are worried and scared.
This is why I have been such a basket case lately (if you hadn't noticed)!
Since the first time we found out he was in the hospital back in August...his getting sick again has been a constant worry.
Our wee man is tiny! He is 10 months old and weighs around 15lbs...tiny!
But he is a fighter!!!
My anxiety level is now absolutely operating at LEVEL 5! That is high! Right Sandi and Cheryl!
We have been told court application has been made! This is good!
What would be even better is an actual date. We may have that too....but they aren't 100% on that so won't commit...
WE. NEED. A. COURT DATE.
Our son, our little fighter...he needs to be home with us.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Why. Would. You. Do. This.
Seriously..I am in a mood people. Don't you know that! A MOOD!
It is a good thing I wasn't there when they parked or I would have given them the look...you know...
It's true - I would have!
And then I would've walked right over to the passenger door and crawled across the seats to prove my point to you!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Seriously, I didn't know what sweet, sweet notes could ooze forth from this musical invention.
Until tonight when we went to see the Afro Cuban All Stars!
All that lovely, latin jazz had us groovin' and shaking our money makers to the beat of the drums.
But it was the Xylophone that got me from the moment it said "hello"!
Since there aren't many folks who play the xylophone I figure I could be the next big sensation!!!!
I think people around the world will pay money to see me plonking away.
What? It could totally happen...you are laughing now but you won't be when you see my smiling face on the T.V. as I give Gloria Estafan a run for her money!
Humour me people - I need to have a little something to take the edge off!
*Edit - I didn't really buy a xylophone and am not likely too..I'll stick to my day job..it is in everyone's best interest :) but I tell ya, I just didn't know the xyhophone could sound so good mixed with the Cuban beats. It really was cool.
O.k. wait - I actually might buy one Xylophone! This one for Ade:
How cute is that!!! Thanks June for the link.
Monday, November 2, 2009
I could continue to be the broken record I have been lately
and whine and complain about how we still don't have a court date. I know, it has only been 3 months since we got our referral (yes, 3 months) but we have not heard one word.
But I know you don't want to hear that...it is getting old and boring...I even bore myself with it.
I could tell you about how my heart is breaking into little pieces more everyday as we wait longer and longer to find out if our son will officially be our son.
but you have also heard that!
So, I haven't had much to say lately.
I am hoping that will change one day soon.
Friday, October 23, 2009
They have a private blog but I wanted to give them my congrats because Ramona has been a great friend during this crazy ride :)
And we all need great friends to help us get thru this.
CONGRATULATIONS FAMILY OF 6!
Wondering.... worrying...running thru the different scenarios in my head...
When will this end?
What if this happens?
Or that happens?
When we will hear anything ?
Willing myself to stay positive...
I am tired.
I need some sleep.
I would like to get that sleep now because I know it might be lacking a bit once he comes home.
Doesn't seem like it's going to happen....
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The ever-so-lovely Steph and her family have a new addition - a beautiful 4 year old daughter...go wish them well.
My dear, sweet friend Hazel also got the best news today too....
She is officially Biset's mommy!!!! Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! She passed court!Ya better give her soome love too!
I love good news :)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
And yes, we do change our tires out from summer tires to winter tires up here!
We also have to plug our cars in when it gets really cold to be sure the engine etc. doesn't freeze!
and for those of you who live in Canada and get it - well -it will make you giggle!
Ha, ha ha...wait - why do I live here again?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Because he makes me laugh.
And I bet he just made you laugh.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
It tried but winter was in a hurry and decided to come early. Early enough that we didn't even get to enjoy the beauty of fall as the leaves turn from green to golden hues and warm, red tones.
I love fall! It is my favourite time of year - going for long walks in the neighbourhood with Yvan and the dogs. Watching the darkness creep up and the light from the homes on our street glowing as the day gives way to the night.
We haven't been able to take our dogs for walks in the evening because it is too cold for their little Chihuahua feet and really, it is too cold for me too even though this is just the beginning of winter.
I was talking to a friend today and we were commiserating with one another about how long this winter will be if we are already into the cold, snowy weather and it is only the middle of October. This is only made worse by the fact we had probably one of the coldest and rainiest summers on record.
At least even in the summer you can get out, see friends, barbecue and keep busy.
Here where we live, once winter hits it is much harder to get out, socialize, and just plain keep yourself busy.
Winter gives you the luxury (take note of the sarcasm here please) of staying inside and cuddling under a blanket watching people bundled up against the cold as they rush past our house to some unknown destination.
Where are they going anyways when they could just stay inside?
It is the time of year when people are done with summer holidays and back to work and life as they know it. You see people less because honestly, here where we live, you just don't want to go outside if you don't have to.
Because of the sudden onslaught from winter and the missed opportunity to enjoy fall, I find myself feeling particularly sad.
I was hoping winter would come later so I could keep my mind off the wait for a court date but Mother Nature is not cooperating very well and let's be honest - neither are the courts in Ethiopia which just opened Monday instead of a week earlier.
I foolishly believed this part of the wait would be easy. I thought the wait to referral was so emotionally draining it really couldn't get much worse.
I was wrong, it is worse.
But in an entirely different way. We have seen the beautiful, brown eyes of our son and heard him laugh, coo and even burp thanks to some wonderful people who brought us back video of our wee boy. We can't even put into words how much we appreciate them for doing this for us.
We are missing so much with him - I want to hold him, hug and kiss him. Be the one to feed, change and cuddle him to sleep.
An intense longing has set in and it feels as though a part of me is missing. We haven't yet met him, but we know he is ours and meant to be part of our family.
We are starting to get ready to get the nursery ready - just starting with other things in order to be able to get the room done but we won't be sharing photos of the nursery until after court so you will have to be patient. But it just seems as if it will be a long time before he is home sleeping in his room.
I have some good friends who have been waiting 5 and 6 months since referral for a court date and they are so inspiring to me. They are kind and gracious and listen to me ramble about how hard I am finding this torturous wait even though they have been waiting longer. I know they are feeling it even more intensely than I am.
I wanted fall and winter to go by quickly so we could bring baby home but that didn't mean I wanted winter to come so early. Because all winter coming early will do is make the wait seem even longer.
Waiting for our son to come home, to be snuggled up in our house with us, is hard.
The hardest thing I have ever done.
So if you live where I live and you feel the same and need some company to help pass the time, give me a call I could use a hug and a visit over a cup of Chai tea!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Did courts open? Or are they closed for another week?
If they are open has anyone gotten court dates yet?
Um, ya referral high has definitely crash landed into anxiety about getting our wee boy home!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Had to make you squirm a little :)
No Rhonda, it wasn't Jerry Springer - I wouldn't even post if I had seen him...I would have run the other way!
Sarah was right!
After having spent the day walking over the Brooklyn bridge and back and then thru Chinatown and Little Italy we wandered into Soho.
Now you should know that these areas are all fairly close together - Manhattan is smaller than you think geographically because it is built upwards. Skyscrapers are abundant and this is where everyone lives - up in the sky or in brownstones.
We had just stopped for a coffee/tea break and then headed out to roam some more. We stopped at the APPLE store (Travellers Tip - if you are in a city that has an APPLE store this is a good place to stop, if it is convenient, to check email, blogs, message boards or whatever for free. All their computers have Internet access)
But I digress - we had just left the store and were wandering around thinking about where we would eat for supper when we came across a plethora (that's right a plethora) of black suburbany type vehicles and trailers as well as a large crowd of people.
Well, being the curious types we are we decided to see what was up and being the shy person I am, I walked right up to someone and said "What's going on? Why is everyone standing around?"
They said "Sarah Jessica Parker is in the trailer. They are filming Sex and the City 2 and we are all waiting for her to come back out."
"Reeeeeaaaaaally!!!!!" I say and whip my camera out faster than you can say "Boo". I love Sex and the City, and my sis-in-law loves it even more so I knew I had to get some photos if I could.
We stood there for about 15 minutes and were just about to leave when a commotion happens down the block and…...
She wasn't very smiley or pleased to see the fans it seems.
We wait a little longer and are kept amused by the waiting crowd. Every so often someone comes out of the trailer and the crowd goes "oooooooooooooh" and when it isn't Sarah they all would go "aaaaaaawwwwwwwww!"
Then she did come out - and she was lovely taking the time to say "Hi" and wave to everyone and pose for a couple of photos. Then she left to go to set and the crowd swarmed after her so we followed the crowd because they amused us.
Sarah Jessica Parker a.k.a Carrie Bradshaw
Right around the corner is where they are filming a scene for the new movie. So we hung for a bit with the rest of the folks...and....
Kristin Davis a.k.a Charlotte York strolls by with her bodyguard.
Next up Kim Catrall a.k.a Samantha Jones arrives.
Let me tell you...the women in the crowd ( and it was mostly women) squealed with excitement when she came by...actually squealed!
The Paparazzi snapping the celebs! Don't they seem pleased with themselves.
We thought we might stay for a while to watch a scene being filmed but they shooed us away like little flies! Oh and we happened to talk to a fellow who lived in the area and he asked us what was going on. When we told him he said "oh $%^@, I am so annoyed by those girls...I mean they bring good business to the city but how would you like it if your street was constantly being shut down for shooting and you had tourists and paparazzi hanging outside of your apartment all day!"
Point taken! We did make sure to tell him we had just stumbled across this and it wasn't the reason we had come to New York...seemed to make him happier and he wished a pleasant time in NY.
New Yorkers, you gotta love 'em. They are definitely honest!
P.S. If you click on the pictures they as Cinn says "Embiggen"
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
We don't have a court date yet.....
I am really handling this wait in a completely different way from pre-referral wait.
I actually quit chewing my fingernails after we got Ade's referral.
But I have started again in the last couple of weeks.
I am definitely internalizing this wait...
You will know I am doing this if when you see me I am staring off into space and my lips are moving ever so slightly. Yvan tells me I do this when I am in deep thought....which I'm in a lot lately.
So, if we are talking and I zone out it is because I am wondering the following things simultaneously:
1. When we will get a court date?
2. Will we have to wait a long time to get one?
3. Will we hear about our date right away?
4. Will we pass on the first try?
5. I wonder if all the paper work is in order?
6. What is Ade doing right now?
7. Will we be good parents?
8. What color should we paint his room?
9. When will they tell us about about our court date?
10. What type of crib should we get?
11. Will I ever get over my fear of purchasing diapers?
12. Will Ade look at us and cry because he knows we have no clue about being parents?
13. When we will get a court date?
14. When we will get to travel to Ethiopia?
15. and it goes on, trust me it goes on, and on like this.
So, I have taken to chewing my fingernails again. I have also been getting cold sores...which I haven't gotten in a long, long time...these are usually stress induced and is a good indicator to me about how much I am stressing about court and didn't even know it.
Posting about our trip to New York has been a good distraction...it keeps me from boring you with awful nail chewing and repeated pondering of "When will we get a court date?" Although I am sure some of you are bored of our New York photos but it is good therapy for me.
Well, I have to go and pretend to do something...but really all I will be doing is wondering:
1. When will we get a court date?
2. Will we have to wait a long time?
3. Will we hear about our date right away?
4...oh wait I already did this.....
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Yvan and his favourite building
Parking anyone? Yup, this is parking...and to get the car on the top...you got to move both cars below and then put them back again...it only costs about $34 per half hour! Yikes!
Uh, would you like a helicopter to go with your yacht. Why yes! Yes, I would!
Chillin' in Washington Square Park Jazzin' it up!
Music, music, music everywhere!View of the Empire State Building from our hotel room at night!
We were so tired after our day we crashed early!!!
But not before we ate some delicious Mexican food in the village :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
We strolled thru the streets making our way to the World Trade Center site.
*EDIT* - I forgot to write about our Saturday night!!!
We went to see a Broadway musical - A real, live Broadway Musical!!! In the theatre district...by crazy, insane, bright, crowded Times Square.
First we went for supper at the oldest Indian restaurant in New York City. It was on the second floor of a very narrow, slanted building. It was highly recommened to us and after we got used to the sensation of sitting on an angle -I kid you not the slant to the place was hilarious....we had one of the best Indian meals ever!!!
Then we ran over to the Al Hirschfield theatre (if you know us you know we are almost always late for everything!) to see HAIR the Musical!
It was amazing! The best Musical I have ever seen. The talent of the cast was amazing and it was so interactive...they kept coming out in to the audience singing and dancing and jumping on chairs.
Yvan even really liked it and he does not really dig the musicals. I did woo him with the idea that there would be a tad bit of nudity in the show which always helps :)
I think the people behind us who talked thru the entire first half didn't like the nudity - they didn't come back for the second half much to our relief.