Friday, November 27, 2009

It's About a Wee Baby Boy

I have sat down at the computer to write a post a few times but my fingers just wouldn't type. It is probably because they refuse to spew out the melancholy drivel that is running thru my brain lately.

I have always tried to keep my blog a positive one - a diary of sorts of our journey to become a family. Lately, my positivity is waning...we are still waiting for a document to be finalized. We are told it is being translated.

We had initially been told court application had been made and with that we had an expectation in our mind a date would follow soon after. We have now been told they were incorrect and court application won't be made until the document is finalized. They have no idea how long this will take or when they will be able to apply for court. So, we have had to spend the last week wrapping our heads around that.

It has been difficult to say the least.

However, I want to make it very clear we completely understand this isn't really about us.

It's about a wee baby boy!

Our baby boy!

He doesn't know we are coming. He has no clue how our love is growing more and more each day for him. He doesn't understand how we miss him and long to hold him. He has no comprehension that we wake up every day hoping he is doing well, being cuddled and loved.

We understand the sadness and pain we are feeling is nothing compared to what our little man has, is, and will experience in his young life.

He is trying to figure out what happened in his world that took away a mother he knew and loved and brought stranger after stranger into his life in the form of police officers, orphanage workers, and foster home caregivers.

He will have had 3 different sets of caregivers since leaving the safety and comfort of his mother's arms. We will be the 5th people to care for him...that is a lot of people and he is not going to be a happy little dude. I can't imagine having gone thru 5 different sets of people I thought were going to be the ones to love me forever...can you? All in the first year or so of life...

He will have grief - incomprehensible grief.

We will need to be strong for him. He will need us to let him grieve for all he has lost and we will need to let him know it is o.k. to be sad. Trust will need to be built and it won't be easy. He will be uncertain and extremely scared. It will take a long time but we are in it for the long haul...however long he needs.

This is about him.

As much as I lament about how sad we are...how hard this is for us...we know we have it easy. We have each other...we have our family and friends who we have known for years and years.

Our son hasn't had this stability or support system.

This is about him, his needs and what we can do to start the healing process for him.

So, when I write about how we are feeling ( and I will continue to do so) let it be understood it is because we want our son...our boy...to be in the last and final set of arms to be taking care of him forever.

22 comments:

Stephanie said...

I am praying for a very speedy translation and a super quick court date. You are going to a wonderful mother to Ade! Yes he will grieve but you will help him through that and then he will bond with you and it will be incredible!!

I can't imagine all the emotions you are experiencing but anytime you need to chat I'm just a phone call away.

Steph :-)

BCMommy said...

Rana...
You are going to be an amazing Mom.

That is all.
I have spoken.

Claire

Liz said...

I hope you are able to hold him in your loving arms very, very soon...

CinnamonOpus said...

Of course it is. Wonderfully put! What a great way to put all this in perspective.

I know you said you are having a hard time being positive, but holy crap, that post was extremely positive -- if only in how well it expresses how much you love that boy and how lucky he will be to be welcomed into such a wonderful, loving family.

Brendan and Mary said...

You are going to be an awesome, boy. I hope that they can finalize that document soon so that he can feel the comfort of his parents' stable love for him.

michaeljdelorme said...

Rana and Yvan,

Even though you put those down perfectly in this blog, my prayers are with you all including Ade. I can feel your pain coming through my computer screen Rana and cannot imagine the places your mind is taking you too?

If there is anything I can do to ease both yours and Yvans hurt; please let me know.

This is about Ade and yes we have friends and family....however this also is about two loving parents here in Canada who love with every ounce of thier being for this little dude....

We are all here for you and Yvan!

Mike

emily and mike said...

beautiful post Rana.
I hope they get this piece of paper translated fast!
I can't wait to see picture of your little boy in your arms at last.

xoxo

Jennifer said...

Rana,

That brought tears to my eyes, and i hope that the document people are quick like bunnies so that you can be on your way....

thinking of you and Yvan....
Nif

D Dae said...

You gave me goosebumps.
{hugs}

Rhonda, Kristin, Eden said...

You know how much we're all rooting to bring that little one home!

Hugs,
R & K & E

Natalie and Chris said...

What you have been through throughout this journey has been so tough that we would never judge you for feeling sad, lonely, angry, nervous, even insane at times. I wish there were words I could say that would bring him to his FOREVER home faster, but there are no words. However,I can always send love and hugs and although it may not bring him home faster, hopefully it will help you get through the day. xoxox
Natalie

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

You stay strong for that precious peanut - this is just not fair for anyone. I really hope things start to get on track very soon. You are always on my mind and prayers.

Laura

Connie said...

You are going to be a wonderful, loving mom to that dear boy!

Hope the process gets moving soon!

Connie

Julie said...

Rana, I keep coming back to this post! I am sending you love and strength. It is obvious that you are already an incredible mother. Now we just have to get that wee babe home so he can meet his incredible parents.

Anonymous said...

awesome post.... I remember that feeling of missing my son before I ever met him. But somehow all those intense feelings I had for him while waiting for a court date, for court, for medical, for visa were an integral part of the attachment process
Susie

hazel said...

Oh boy, when you are finally able to be with Ade, he's going to be one loved 'little dude.'

Thank God for you guys understanding his pain - you're going to be amazing parents.

Ramona said...

It is about little Ade...and oh how we want to have him in his Mommy & Daddy's arms. Your love and pain for all he is going through and will go through is so evident. Now it's time for that court date to be able to happen.

Ramona

Littleone said...

How very sweet and true!

Donna

Sharla said...

come on translated documents, you can do it...you can get to the proper places quickly and without hiccups and then you can ask all the other documents to follow you as you all pound on the courthouse doors and get this things done!

Karen said...

That is a beautiful post! And in spite of a difficult wait! So hard to understand why some families have to wait so long at every stage! Praying for everything to come together quickly!

darci said...

rana, i can't imagine how hard this wait is-I too will be praying for a super fast fix to this situation, and that very very soon you can hold your son!
darci
mhovdestad@hotmail.com

KERRI said...

You may come back to this post many times when things get hard with Ade, so it's great that you have it written here. I love your clarity and determination - these qualities will be VERY necessary during your parenting life!