Fall Blues

Fall has descended or rather, I should say, left the building altogether.

It tried but winter was in a hurry and decided to come early. Early enough that we didn't even get to enjoy the beauty of fall as the leaves turn from green to golden hues and warm, red tones.

I love fall! It is my favourite time of year - going for long walks in the neighbourhood with Yvan and the dogs. Watching the darkness creep up and the light from the homes on our street glowing as the day gives way to the night.

We haven't been able to take our dogs for walks in the evening because it is too cold for their little Chihuahua feet and really, it is too cold for me too even though this is just the beginning of winter.

I was talking to a friend today and we were commiserating with one another about how long this winter will be if we are already into the cold, snowy weather and it is only the middle of October. This is only made worse by the fact we had probably one of the coldest and rainiest summers on record.

At least even in the summer you can get out, see friends, barbecue and keep busy.

Here where we live, once winter hits it is much harder to get out, socialize, and just plain keep yourself busy.

Winter gives you the luxury (take note of the sarcasm here please) of staying inside and cuddling under a blanket watching people bundled up against the cold as they rush past our house to some unknown destination.

Where are they going anyways when they could just stay inside?

It is the time of year when people are done with summer holidays and back to work and life as they know it. You see people less because honestly, here where we live, you just don't want to go outside if you don't have to.

Because of the sudden onslaught from winter and the missed opportunity to enjoy fall, I find myself feeling particularly sad.

I was hoping winter would come later so I could keep my mind off the wait for a court date but Mother Nature is not cooperating very well and let's be honest - neither are the courts in Ethiopia which just opened Monday instead of a week earlier.

I foolishly believed this part of the wait would be easy. I thought the wait to referral was so emotionally draining it really couldn't get much worse.

I was wrong, it is worse.

But in an entirely different way. We have seen the beautiful, brown eyes of our son and heard him laugh, coo and even burp thanks to some wonderful people who brought us back video of our wee boy. We can't even put into words how much we appreciate them for doing this for us.

We are missing so much with him - I want to hold him, hug and kiss him. Be the one to feed, change and cuddle him to sleep.

An intense longing has set in and it feels as though a part of me is missing. We haven't yet met him, but we know he is ours and meant to be part of our family.

We are starting to get ready to get the nursery ready - just starting with other things in order to be able to get the room done but we won't be sharing photos of the nursery until after court so you will have to be patient. But it just seems as if it will be a long time before he is home sleeping in his room.

I have some good friends who have been waiting 5 and 6 months since referral for a court date and they are so inspiring to me. They are kind and gracious and listen to me ramble about how hard I am finding this torturous wait even though they have been waiting longer. I know they are feeling it even more intensely than I am.

I wanted fall and winter to go by quickly so we could bring baby home but that didn't mean I wanted winter to come so early. Because all winter coming early will do is make the wait seem even longer.

Waiting for our son to come home, to be snuggled up in our house with us, is hard.

The hardest thing I have ever done.

So if you live where I live and you feel the same and need some company to help pass the time, give me a call I could use a hug and a visit over a cup of Chai tea!