Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I keep thinking about tomorrow.

October 28, 2010.

16 months!

The number of months we have been waiting since we got our referral.

I haven't been counting the months at all...or I tried not to.

Tomorrow has been creeping into my head all week.

I am not sure why now but it could be anyone of the following reasons:

I am tired.

I am defeated.

I am deflated.

I am sad.

I am not sleeping.

I am angry.

I am frustrated.

I am worried.

I am hurting.

I feel like I'm living a nightmare which I can't seem to wake up from.

I feel like this will never end for us.

I just want it to be over and our son to be home with us.

Tomorrow is 16 months since we saw our wee son's face for the first time.

Since then he has grown into a handsome little toddler.

I just want our son to be home with us.


Julie said...

I don't understand why this has happened to you guys. Sending you love, strength, and sunshine from the west coast.xoxo

hazel said...

Unbelievable!! Rana, I am hurting for you guys, too. It's just plain wrong that your family is not united yet. I can't wait to see you and Yvan holding Ade in your arms, making up for missed times and hugs.

shaunak said...

Oh, Rana. I wish there was some way to make some sense out of this. It really just doesn't make sense and is so incredibly unfair. I have always been struck by how patient and gracious and zen you were through your long, long wait. This is enough. Ade should be home. I am sorry your journey has taken this path and will continue to hope that Ade is in your arms, where he belongs, soon.

K_I_T_ said...

I would feel the same way Rana. I am so mad at the long wait you guys have had. It just isn't right. Ade needs to get home with you guys. I wish there was something I could do to make this journey end, and your new one with Ade home with you start. This suck the big one. No other way to put it. Well there are other ways to put it, but I will be lady like and just leave it at that...

Kristin H said...

Oh my heart just breaks for you and Yvan! This is just ridiculous! Thinking of you,

Brendan and Mary said...

All I can do is shake my head in disgust. This has been unbelievable. I am so sorry. I seriously think of you every day, hoping and waiting for your good news to finally come. I cannot imagine how hard this is on you. Sending you big hugs!

Sandra Knight said...

just read your phrase, nutty nutterton. yes that is a good way to put it. living on the brink of insanity. you will get thru this stage, God willing, and on to the next one. i just hope it is soon. i thought you would have heard something by now. my thoughts are with you, sk

Shauna said...

I do not understand this either, Rana. Why this is taking so long???? you are in my prayers every night to get your precious Ade home... it's going to happen... I am sorry you have had such a looonnngggg wait.


Karen said...

Oh, I know. I keep checking your blog, thinking, oh, c'mon. But then I almost don't want to think about it, because I'm so f*cking angry and sad for you, Yvan and Ade. Sometimes, I think I'll e-mail to ask how you're doing and whether you have news and then I quickly realize how RIDICULOUS (and annoying) it would be for you to receive an e-mail like that!

This will sound lame, but every morning, I think about whether this will be the day for your family.

I'm so sorry.

D Dae said...

I so wish there was something I could do to fix this for you. {{hugs}} my friends, we are here for you whenever you need it.

CinnamonOpus said...

Others have said very eloquently how angry, sad, frustrated and disbelieving we all are on your behalf. So there's nothing I can add except more hugs, more good wishes and thoughts, and one more offer that if you need a friend to talk to, just call.

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

I want to take it all away. I want to make the hurt go. I want you to have your dream. I want your smile to come back. I'm mad and angry for you!!!

I think of you everyday,

Anonymous said...

Oh my dear, nothing to say that hasn't been said, just sending much love to you, Yvan and little Ade.

Sharla said...

I don't know what to say. There is no way that anyone could even fathom 16 months after referral with no visa still when this started out. I cannot actually know how hard this has been. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult it must be. When we looked at international adoption originally, we considered Haiti and then when we saw the wait time from referral to home, I decided that I would rather wait way longer for a referral but then have a shorter wait from referral to travel because it would just be too hard for me otherwise...and that was in a program where I would have KNOWN about the wait going in and wouldn't have expected anything sooner. I don't know how you do it (although I guess there's really not much choice at this point). I wish I knew some high-up official and could get you that visa.

I know it doesn't actually fix anything, but I want you to know that the day when your family is finally united, there will be celebrating all across Canada!

Rachel said...

I am so, so sorry you have had to endure this. I hope you are united very, very soon.

Anonymous said...

There are just no words anymore for how ridiculous this is. Except for REALLY REALLY bad ones, of course, but I'll refrain.

I am banging my head on the desk for you, since I'm sure you are well past that stage. Also you can't spare any more marbles. ;)

Anonymous said...

I think of you every day Rana.
Big Hugs!

Melissa said...

Sixteen months is too long. Way toooooo long.

I believe it will happen though.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you Rana.
Sending strength & hope your way.
Jen D

Hi from Ruth! said...

I haven't been following your blog for that long, so I'm a little stunned. Sixteen MONTHS since your referral??? I didn't know that. Were you guys amongst the ones caught up in the Oromia stuff? Wow, Rana, that's absolutely horrid. I'm so so sorry!


Shawn and Laura said...

Thinking of you today Rana!
I hope you are with little Ade very soon.