Confession Friday (Thursday Edition)

I confess tomorrow is going to a be a busy day and I won't have time to confess so I am doing it now.

I confess I have not slept very well this week but it is a good thing now. Many to-do lists of last minute things we need to get done before we go get the wee boy have been running through my head every night.

I confess I shouted "OH MY GOD!" really loud three times and looked wildly back and forth at my mom and my hubby as I was reading the email and telling them the visa was in. Then I promptly erupted in to entire body-wracking sobs!!!

I confess I will not be sad to see 2010 go. This year was filled with lots of pain, anxiety and anger that I would prefer not to remember. There were some very good times this year but over all when looking back at it I will remember the pain.

I confess I ate way to much food this year....as always I say "self, you will not eat so much food this Christmas" and then someone opens up a box of chocolates.

I confess I have not been to the gym in almost 2 weeks...eek!

I confess I have got the wee boy's bags packed already....and I have my mom ( and Cheryl) to thank for it because I would still be sitting on the floor in his room with clothes piled around me crying because I wouldn't be able to decide what size of anything to take...

I confess I will not be putting the dates we are leaving on our trip to bring our wee boy home on my blog because that is just not smart in the crazy world of the internets...but if you know me and want to know the details and have my email....well feel free :)

I confess the trip can't come soon enough and if I had my druthers we would be leaving tomorrow (inside joke on the druthers - ha ha ha)!

I confess I wish I could give each of you who read my blog a giant hug because I wouldn't have made it through this last year without all of your support!

I confess I am wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and the very best for 2011!!!

Cheers!

Houston....

....WE HAVE A VISA!!!!

A VISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's official!

The Visa is in the house!!!!!!!

We can go and get him!!!!

He is ours and we are his!

Forever!!!!!!

WE HAVE A VISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, we are VerKlempt!

Talk amongst yourselves :)

Confesssion Friday

I confess it is Christmas Eve and for the first time I am ready for Christmas...no running around to do today. I can actually sit and relax.

I confess my mom has been here all week and it has been so nice. I love my mom and spending time with her.

I confess we got some beautiful Christmas cards this year from friends near and far.

I confess I didn't send out any cards this year and I send them every year. Just didn't have it in me.

I confess my heart is still aching for the loss of our sweet Suki - I had her for 13 years..she was my best friend.

I confess I have a week off and I am looking forward to relaxing and spending time with my husband.

I confess I am sad we still have not heard about our visa. Why do they take so long?

I confess I will be glad to usher in 2011 because 2010 was not great.

I confess I am wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Our Girl Suki

Our sweet girl Suki left us today.

She of the beautiful green eyes has gone to sleep forever.

We will miss her more than our hearts can bare.

She has gone to play in the grass and leaves beyond where she is healthy and young again.

Her sister will miss her but her love will stand strong.

Our sweet girl Suki...

She of the beautiful green eyes..

...has travelled on ahead of us....

...but she will forever and always be in our hearts!

Goodbye our sweet Suki. She of the beautiful green eyes.

We love you and will miss you!

Confession Friday

I confess I watched a bit of "White Christmas" last night. You know the one with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. Lovely men's men who could sing and dance as well as woo the ladies too. I love the old movies from the '50s things seemed so much simpler than...you did a little dance, sang a little song and everyone felt better for it afterwards. Maybe I should try that this year when I am out among the throngs of crazy holiday shoppers who are fighting over the last pair of Christmas gloves hanging on the rack at Bloomingdale's - uh,oh, wait..that last bit is from the movie "Serendipity". John Cusack is totally my boyfriend ya know! No matter what Cinn tells you - he is mine! Sigh!

I confess I haven't done any Christmas baking at all yet. I hope to get some in next week.

I confess I have a lot of people on mind right now. Some are dealing with stigmas from the very people who are "supposed" to love and support them...others are dealing with the loss of a loved one. There is one who is still facing the "C word" but who we hope with ever fibre of our being will have good news in the New Year. There are friends of mine who are waiting to hear about court dates, visas and referrals! You are all on my mind! All of the time.

I confess I am done my Christmas shopping - thanks to Bolt Upright and all of her fantastic Internet recommendations :) Shopping from home really is the best Christmas gift one could ever give themselves.

I confess my sweet, girlie-cat Suki is not doing well. She is sick again...she is old. So old...I love her so much and I hope we still have a few more days with her yet.

I confess I haven't been crying nearly as much and my tear ducts are thanking me for it.

I confess the wee boy's room is ready but I am not ready to share photos yet...but it is the cutest, darn room ever!

I confess I haven't watched any of my favourite Christmas movies yet..not one. "A Christmas Story" "Elf" and "Love Actually" - I love those movies.

I confess I have been going to the gym again and it has been good. I have learned I can only push myself so far and that I don't have to compete with everyone else...just finishing is good!

I confess my husband is my rock. He is my sanity when I am...let's call it "not all there"...ya, I like that. I love him with all my heart!

I confess I need to go and shower now - sniff, sniff! Whew! did you get a load of that????

I confess while Christmas is feeling empty I still love the glow of the Christmas trees in windows of people's homes and the crunch of the snow beneath my feet as we walk through our neighbourhood to see the lights.

The Pit in my Stomach...

...is big and gaping.

It is slowly eating away at my insides.

I think it is made worse by the fact Christmas is almost upon us and once again we will not have our wee one home with us.

We have been incredibly busy at work the last couple of weeks which has helped keep me distracted...until today.

I glanced at the calendar and realized Christmas eve is next Friday! Which means Christmas is the next day....

The holiday season seems empty to me this year. I am glad my mom is coming for a visit but the pressure of running here and there to visit all kinds of extended family and friends we haven't seen in a long time is starting to cause me to become bloated with emotions.

I can't (nor do I want to) face the onslaught of questions people will have for us.

Q - Still no baby?
A- Nope, still no baby and now he is a toddler.

Q - Why is it taking so long?
A- Your guess is as good as mine - I could answer this honestly but watching people's eyes glaze over as we tell them how the last 17 months have gone is almost more painful then all the questions.

Q - Why do you keep waiting? Aren't there other options?
A- We keep waiting because he is our son.

Q - Why don't you go to Africa and be with him.
A- We would love to but after all we have been through since we got his referral we are so scared something else could come up...we want to be in Africa with him. Trust me we do! (There are reasons we can't and we don't feel the need to justify them to anyone)

Q - How do you do it?
A - I don't know anymore - we just do.

Statement - surely it will happen soon...hang in there.
Me (thinking to myself) - Soon. SOON! Yes, surely it will happen soon! Good grief! It has been 17 months...THAT IS NOT SOON!
Me (actually saying) - yes surely it will happen soon - sigh!

I would much rather climb into bed until all this Christmas hubabaloo is done...or have a long hot shower until we get the call the visa is in.

Anything other than face Christmas without Ade. Again!

Mondays Are Always The Hardest

Mondays are always the hardest.

It is the start of a new week.

A new week of waiting...wondering...worrying.

Anxiety is always highest on Mondays as you anticipate what the week will bring. Will be it good news or bad? Will we hear anything at all?

Tuesdays you think "o.k. Monday is over news should have been gained and today it might be delivered to those of us waiting".

Wednesday is certainly the day you will hear something...everyone knows Wednesday is the day of news. Right?

Thursday your hope is waning. Oh I guess there won't be anything this week....but wait, there is always Friday!

Friday comes and goes. Either you have had the news you are waiting on or you haven't but either way you know the weekend is upon you and have 2 beautiful days where your brain can rest from all the fretting and wondering and checking of phones and emails.

Mondays though....they are always the hardest!

Confession Fridays

I confess this week has been uber busy and I have posts brewing in my mind I want to write and just haven't had the chance to yet.

I confess I did not get to read many blogs this week because of the above said uber busy week and I really want to catch up and see what you have all been up to.

I confess I have had dessert 4 times since Saturday...4 times..."tis the season" and my stomach is not loving me right now not to mention my sugar levels are whacked right out.

I confess I saw a license plate early this week that made me laugh, in fact, I am still laughing about it right now. Oh ya, I should tell you what it said "Sheesh" - ah ha ha ha "Sheesh". Best license plate EVER!

I confess I have gone to the gym 4 times this week - yeah me! - this should somewhat counterbalance all the dessert I have had. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

I confess last night we went over to a very good friend's house for dinner and it was an excellent time...great food, fantastic conversation and Wii Golf! Oh ya, I rocked the Wii Golf! Wii bowling...not so much!

I confess I read my friend Jess's blog this week where she talked about "Focus" and I completely related to feeling "blurry". She described how I have been feeling the last 2 months to a T! Incredibly blurry! It is good to know there are people who truly understand how you are feeling even if your experiences are vastly different. Much love to you Jess for sharing your story and feelings with us.

I confess to being excited about my momma coming for Christmas this year...she will be here in a week and 2 days!

I confess to being so distracted that I can't read a single book. I am a reader people! A reader! I have 4 books on the go and none are progressing at all....this isn't like me....I usually read a book a week! I miss the time I spend reading. It is usually a great distraction for me but the blurriness doesn't lend well to concentration.

I confess we have been hoping to be somewhere else for Christmas but that seems to be a fading dream right now...we would go on a wing and prayer but honestly...so much has happened over the last year it has definitely knocked our spontaneity level down a few notches...instead we have become overly guarded and cautious.

I confess this is a long post and I should say "Adieu".

Happy Birthday Muffin Man

I love you!

Confession Friday

I confess I am livid right now - I am expected to be reasonable but I prefer to be unreasonable and demand equality for adoptive mothers/families when it comes to parental leave.

I confess I got an email from a friend for a recipe exchange and thought "um, hmmm, no I don't think so." But then thought "oh, why not" and now I have already received 3 lovely recipes and I LOVE recipes!!! (Ahem, sorry to those of you who got the email from me but come on - just do it! hee!)

I confess Sunday will be the day we officially declare the Christmas season has arrived at the Ranavan household...the tree and decorations will be dusted off and removed from the basement. Trimming will occur and we will hit the light switch and then sit in wondrous awe! (Sorry hubby, you have to help!)

I confess I need to be somewhere in just over an hour and I haven't showered yet...eep! I better get typing.

I confess I do not where 2010 went and can NOT believe it is almost 2011!

I confess Christmas gift giving has me in a quandary this year....I don't know what to get people. Help!

I confess I am dog-tired these days...dragging my sorry #ss out of bed in the cold, dark mornings has been hard.

I confess I love my adoption community!!!!!!

I confess I have to go....I am about to be very late...less than an hour now......