Saturday, August 1, 2009

I Am A Big Pile of Love

It's true!

One great, big, giant pile of love!

I didn't know I could love someone so much who I haven't even met yet!

But I do!

People told me that it would all go away once I saw THAT picture...I wasn't really a believer!

Now I am!!

In one giant whoosh of outward breath all the stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, and frustration left.

It left! It went! Away!

I feel like the Grinch whose heart was 2 sizes too small...

but went on to grow 3 sizes that day I saw our baby boy's face!

I didn't know!

Why didn't you warn me? I mean, you did, but really you should have shook me until I believed.

I know you are right! I wouldn't have known until I actually felt it.

And oh boy!!! Do I feel it!

In is all I can do to contain myself from shouting out as I am walking around the neighbourhood with the dogs "WE HAVE A BABY BOY!!!" or "NEXT SUMMER WE WILL HAVE A BABY IN STROLLER WHEN WE GO WALKING!"

I have so much love that I even forgive this lady for not telling me I had concealer under my eyes that day. Ha!

Seriously, I will be that weird lady just randomly telling people I have a son and whipping out his picture and chasing them down the street asking them if they want to see it!

I feel alive again! I feel like myself again!

I know it isn't over yet - I know this next stretch might be hard too!

But I know that the next 6 or so months will end and he will be in our arms...forever!


Oh the Love I have!

I feel like this!

*Edit* - I realize this song was written for Obama and you are probably all "What the heck is this girl on? This song is about Obama. She was crazy before she got her referral and now she is even crazier!"

But listen to the could apply to many things, really it could..if you wanted it too..which I do! So there!

I went to sleep last night

Tired from the fight

I've been fighting for tomorrow

All my life

Yea I woke up this morning

Feeling brand new

'Cause the dreams that I've been dreaming

Has finally came true

It's a new day

It's a new day

It's a new day

It's a new day

It's a new day


Dianne said...

I love, love, LOVE seeing you feel this way!!!!!!!!!!

You're a believer!!! At last!!! I don't think we could have convinced you, even with shaking. Only THAT sweet boy could do it!

Melissa said...

Oooh, I can feel the love and excitement streaming out of your past few posts. Congratulations!

I am just beginning my adoption journey and it is posts like yours that remind me, yes I can do this! It is worth it!

june said...

Well, ok, next time we'll try the shaking thing. Hee.

CinnamonOpus said...

I am glad for you! It's so wonderful!

Well, I didn't tell you because honestly? It didn't happen to me. I know a lot of people say they do, but we didn't fall in love with a picture. We fell in love with Stinkerbelle, obviously, but only once we met her in person. The picture was just a picture of a baby -- our baby, and very cute, but still someone we didn't know yet. So for us, it wasn't the "love-at-first-picture-sight" thing. Slower, and more gradual. But just as wonderful, in the end.

CinnamonOpus said...

Oh and PS? Obviously, the above does NOT apply to Stinkerbelle, because she is positively ENCHANTED with the pictures of your adorable boy! Every time she sees him she claps with glee and signs "Baby!" over and over again!

Well, he's a cutie pie. There's no denying it. So, you know, she has good taste!!

K_I_T_ said...

Can't say I agree with above comment cause we feel the same way as you do! I already know she was meant to be our daughter, and am in Love as well. YEAH! So happy that you are happy and we are happy and...well, we are all so happy.

Kelly said...

I'm so very happy for you. I anxiously await the day I can "see" him.

Rhonda, Kristin, Eden said...

Oh you shall too spread the word and show others how they too can believe.

Did I mention how much I adore that you are a big pile of gooey love!? LOVE IT!!!!

Rana and Yvan said...

Melissa, you will get thru this crazy ride to your son or daughter if you remember these 3 things:

1. make sure you keep your sense of humor about things
2. cry, scream,be angry and frustrated when you need
3. Drink mojitos a couple of mojitos when ever you #2 will help :)

Seriously, it is a tough road and I can still remember how the wait felt but now it has been replaced with something entirely new and ya know what (I can't believe I am about to say this) IT WAS WORTH IT!!

darci said...

what a great post! love it! so happpy for you. i can only imagine how great this time is. :) go ahead, show your pictures to strangers!

haze said...

Oh Rana, it does my heart good to read of your love and excitement. Your joy is oozing from every word.

As you just wrote, I also felt that the wait was worth the wait - and I'll tell you something else - I STILL feel the same way. I hope your current elation carries you through until Ade is in your arms.

emily and mike said...

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This makes me so happy, that you are so happy : ) I think this next wait will be much much easier. Or at least I found it to be anyway. You have someone who you are waiting for now and it is all so worth it.

And yes, the words of that song are SOOO perfect. Made me cry. again.

The Hattons... said...

It's a wonderful feeling! Be proud and keeping writing "crazy". We all love it.

sandi said...

i am SOOOOOOOO glad you have a referral and you are feeling AWESOME!!!!!! HUgs!!!!

Danielle said...

YIPPEEE for the post-referral high!! I love being able to just feel your excitement bursting off the screen!!!

Are you sharing pics BTW? If so, I'd love to see!!

Natalie and Chris said...

I am so happy you are feeling so great and back to yourself. You have been so very strong throughout this process (even if you think you weren't) and you are an inspiration to me. I am praying that your son be home soon and that the next leg of the journey is a smoother one.

Tova said...

So glad you are in love! I was like that with E's pic. I saw it in the email and burst into tears. That was it. I was sunk.

Soooo, I know you got a sneak peak of B. so do I get one of Ade? happy for you. I keep smiling and crying, everytime I read your blog.

Darrell and Jess said...

I LOVE it too that you are feeling that way!! Isn't it great?! I did pull out my pictures any time someone stopped to talk to me! :)

Janice said...


Oh Rana I am so thrilled for you. I just finished reading your recent posts and it was so fun to read.
Your pure joy just comes right through the words and photos.

What else can I say... I know the wait was excruciating at times but you did it, you did it and I'm so happy for you.
If you have a minute, please send me you email address so I can send you sometlhing.


Juanita said...

I am admittedly one of your "blog stalkers" (and we kinda stalked you at the airport one time:-) haha) and have been waiting to read this post! Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. I am so thrilled for you two! Can't wait to read more and more.

Jessica's sis-in law - Juanita

Anonymous said...


My name is Taschia. I am not some creepy blog -stocker. I am mom to 3 daughters, the youngest we brought home from Ecuador last year. I am now an adoption blog addict. I got your link from Darrell and Jess's blog - they used to be in the Ecuador program. Anyway, I just read your July 28 post and I am crying at my desk. Congrats!

Karen said...

I LOVE IT!!! Lol... it is so wonderful to see you on this side of the referral. And i have been known to show our pictures to total strangers too!

Diane said...

I love this post. It is hard to explain the change but you did it very well. Wait until you have your baby in your arms, that is a whole new feeling