We have been home with Ade 7 months today!
I cannot tell you how different this day is from our first weeks home.
It was all so overwhelming and so much more difficult than I ever anticipated.
With hard work, lots of tears, and tons of "We can get through this." on Yvan's part, we are doing so much better.
I feel like we are truly starting to bond as a family!
Our homecoming from Ethiopia had started on such a positive note. We had enjoyed our time with Ade in Ethiopia so much! Never in our minds did either of us think it would be so difficult to transition to our life back in Canada to a life that included Ade.
But it was.
It got better. Slowly.
People told us "the first 6 weeks are the hardest!" and they were.
The next mile marker was 3 months. Still very hard but better.
6 months hit! Major regression.
All on my part. Our 6 month anniversary fell one day after our 2 year referral anniversary.
It was hard for my brain to comprehend we had only been home with Ade for 6 months when we had first seen his wee little face 2 years before.
He was 6 months old when we got his referral. I think knowing this and the fact he had only been home for 6 months triggered some repressed grief and anger in me.
For a long time people asked me how I felt about the fact it took so long (18 months) to get Ade home. I would say it was extremely hard but that I wasn't going to let that be our memory. I took all of the pain and anger I had and hid it. Pretended it hadn't bothered me or that I wasn't angry with the circumstances and sometimes the people who had been a part of our lengthy process. I said "it is what is?" a lot.
But I was angry. Hurt and saddened for all the lost time we had with Ade. Had he come home "when he was supposed to" he might have been a year old. But life doesn't always happen "the way it is supposed to", nope not all.
I had to admit that I had wanted him when he was younger. Bonding would have been so much easier. He wouldn't be a running, jumping, bouncing, never-staying-still 2 year old who would have like to cuddle more. Or maybe he wouldn't have.
At 6 months home, I grieved for all the time we had lost with him. I grieved for the 6 month old baby I first saw on our referral day.
I let out all the anger and blame for delays I had.
It wasn't pretty.
But it needed to come out!
Then I looked at where we are now. The reality of Ade being 2.5 years old and only with us for such short amount of time. Took a deep breath and said "O.k. this is where we are! Stop living in the past and get on with it!"
Today, this morning, as I sat and had my tea and watched Ade playing with his trucks I realized the daily anxiety of "What have we done?" was gone.
In its place was routine. A Comfortableness I hadn't felt before.
Now, don't get me wrong. There are still days that are hard. Days where there are tears on all our parts.
I have come to the realization that a family is a lifetime in the making. No matter how your family came to be.
We will always be a work in progress.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Maple Walnut Mama
I remember when I first started my blog almost 4 years the welcome I got from some of my blogger friends. Since then I have met so many wonderful people because of my blog.
I want to introduce my friend, Maple Walnut Mama, who just started up her own blog.
Her family was built through adoption as well. They adopted domestically which is just as emotional and hairy as international adoption.
We met sometime ago and then she moved away. It wasn't until after she moved that we started to get to know each other.
She read my blog and we emailed.
They got their referral for Lovebug almost 2 years ago and she continued to send notes of encouragement and support throughout our lengthy process to bring Ade home.
When we were in Vancouver last week, we had the chance to reunite and see our two kidlets finally playing together!
I am thankful for her friendship!
She had always mentioned how she would like to blog but wasn't sure she was ready to share all of her emotions with The Internets.
She didn't think she should "blubber, bawl or snot all over people."
Well, this is something I have been doing since the beginning! As have so many of us here in blogger-adoption land.
So, welcome to the blubbering, bawling and snotting all over people club.
It continues even now that the kidlet is home except now it is because of loss of sleep or tantrums.
I look forward to reading your posts about the good, bad, fun, and very busy times of parenthood!
Please go and give her a nice big "Welcome to the block!"
I want to introduce my friend, Maple Walnut Mama, who just started up her own blog.
Her family was built through adoption as well. They adopted domestically which is just as emotional and hairy as international adoption.
We met sometime ago and then she moved away. It wasn't until after she moved that we started to get to know each other.
She read my blog and we emailed.
They got their referral for Lovebug almost 2 years ago and she continued to send notes of encouragement and support throughout our lengthy process to bring Ade home.
When we were in Vancouver last week, we had the chance to reunite and see our two kidlets finally playing together!
I am thankful for her friendship!
She had always mentioned how she would like to blog but wasn't sure she was ready to share all of her emotions with The Internets.
She didn't think she should "blubber, bawl or snot all over people."
Well, this is something I have been doing since the beginning! As have so many of us here in blogger-adoption land.
So, welcome to the blubbering, bawling and snotting all over people club.
It continues even now that the kidlet is home except now it is because of loss of sleep or tantrums.
I look forward to reading your posts about the good, bad, fun, and very busy times of parenthood!
Please go and give her a nice big "Welcome to the block!"
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Sleep or Lack There of
Wee one used to sleep 12 hours a night.
Oh sure we had the time change debacle when he first came home but he settled in fairly quickly and about 2 months once we got a really nice routine going he slept thru the night.
Not a peep.
The last 2 weeks everything seems to have changed.
He has been waking up earlier and earlier. 7 instead of 7:30.
Then it was 6:50, 6:40, 6:20 and a few 6:00a.m. wake up calls.
This morning it was.......
4:00 a.m.
4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!
Ready to play!
Um, no thanks.
I heard him open the door to his bedroom and my eyes popped open and searched for the clock.
My heart sank when I saw the time.
So, I got out of bed and directed him back to his bed, tucked him in and dragged myself down the hall and crawled back under the duvet.
Thankfully he slept until 6:30 but I did not.
I have a hard time falling asleep after he wakes up like that. My ears are attune to the creak of the bedroom door for the rest of the hours remaining until morning actually comes.
My bleary-weary brain is left asking,
"Why is this happening?"
He was napping great but this last week the naps are very short or non-existent (just talking to himself and his stuffies)
Help! Someone please help!
Oh sure we had the time change debacle when he first came home but he settled in fairly quickly and about 2 months once we got a really nice routine going he slept thru the night.
Not a peep.
The last 2 weeks everything seems to have changed.
He has been waking up earlier and earlier. 7 instead of 7:30.
Then it was 6:50, 6:40, 6:20 and a few 6:00a.m. wake up calls.
This morning it was.......
4:00 a.m.
4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!
Ready to play!
Um, no thanks.
I heard him open the door to his bedroom and my eyes popped open and searched for the clock.
My heart sank when I saw the time.
So, I got out of bed and directed him back to his bed, tucked him in and dragged myself down the hall and crawled back under the duvet.
Thankfully he slept until 6:30 but I did not.
I have a hard time falling asleep after he wakes up like that. My ears are attune to the creak of the bedroom door for the rest of the hours remaining until morning actually comes.
My bleary-weary brain is left asking,
"Why is this happening?"
He was napping great but this last week the naps are very short or non-existent (just talking to himself and his stuffies)
Help! Someone please help!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Back from Holidays
We took the wee one on holidays last week.
The 3 of us packed up our bags, boarded a flight and headed out to warm, sunny Vancouver.
At least we hoped it would be warm because they haven't had much of a summer out there this year.
We were not disappointed.
Our vacation started on a lovely little island by the name of Gossip Island where we spent 3 delicious nights and 2 lazy days lolling around and looking at the ocean.
You can only reach the island by boat having taken a ferry to a the nearest larger island Galiano. There are no cars or amenities other than nature itself.
I made myself a new 3 legged best friend by the name of Zoey and let me tell you she was the sweetest dog around. It took all my might not to pack her in my suitcase when WE left.
Ade loved, loved, loved Uncle Gordie's boat. I think he might be an ocean lover like his Mama. We took him for hikes around the island and dipped his toes in the ocean once again.
Thank you to my Auntie Cheri and Gordie for being such gracious hosts and feeding us delicious food!
We hopped back on the ferry on Monday and headed back to Vancouver where we spent the night at my momma's house. We had supper with Claire and her boys and it was so nice to finally meet her. We have been blogger/email friends for a while and she has always been a great support for us while we were waiting to bring Ade home. Now we want to return the favour to her so hopefully she hears about a referral soon.
Tuesday we headed into downtown Vancouver for an adoption gathering. And can I just saw how cool it is that we can go to these functions now and Ade gets to come now too!
Very cool!
We both love seeing him play with all the other kids. I love that I am not a big, crying baby anymore when we leave.
There were many great adoption friends in attendance whom we hadn't yet met in person (only on-line) and it was so fantastic to put faces to names, see their kids and how lovely, beautiful and engaging they all are. There was also a little family we re-connected with after many years of not seeing each other and it was great we both had our sweethearts in our arms finally.
Quite honestly, they have the nicest little support group out there and it really makes me want to move so we can be close to them all...but visiting will have to do.
Grandma loaded Ade into her car for the long ride back to her house and Yvan and I headed further into downtown Vancouver for 2 nights ON OUR OWN!! We slept in, went for long walks and had late suppers. We even got to drink some adult beverages. Delightful!
Ade meanwhile was being escorted around like the prince he is going to the zoo, and out for brunch and playing with his favourite cousin Hayley in the paddling pool. He had an excellent time.
Then we headed back out to pick up Ade and have one last night with my family. We were worried how Ade would be with us when we got back to my mom's house as this was the first time he has been away from us for so long. We thought he might be mad and ignore us but he shrieked "MAMA, PAPA" and leapt into our arms and giggled his little head off.
Me thinks, that went very well.
Then we boarded a flight and headed back home.
Whew! Vacations are fun but tiring.
Ade was very glad to be home and reunited with his best friends Leroy and Grissom.
I did not take one photo on this little holiday. Not one. O.k. I did take one - of a couple of otters we saw on the dock waiting for the ferry. But I was too tired and lazy to take anymore.
So no photos to share but trust when I say - A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL!
The 3 of us packed up our bags, boarded a flight and headed out to warm, sunny Vancouver.
At least we hoped it would be warm because they haven't had much of a summer out there this year.
We were not disappointed.
Our vacation started on a lovely little island by the name of Gossip Island where we spent 3 delicious nights and 2 lazy days lolling around and looking at the ocean.
You can only reach the island by boat having taken a ferry to a the nearest larger island Galiano. There are no cars or amenities other than nature itself.
I made myself a new 3 legged best friend by the name of Zoey and let me tell you she was the sweetest dog around. It took all my might not to pack her in my suitcase when WE left.
Ade loved, loved, loved Uncle Gordie's boat. I think he might be an ocean lover like his Mama. We took him for hikes around the island and dipped his toes in the ocean once again.
Thank you to my Auntie Cheri and Gordie for being such gracious hosts and feeding us delicious food!
We hopped back on the ferry on Monday and headed back to Vancouver where we spent the night at my momma's house. We had supper with Claire and her boys and it was so nice to finally meet her. We have been blogger/email friends for a while and she has always been a great support for us while we were waiting to bring Ade home. Now we want to return the favour to her so hopefully she hears about a referral soon.
Tuesday we headed into downtown Vancouver for an adoption gathering. And can I just saw how cool it is that we can go to these functions now and Ade gets to come now too!
Very cool!
We both love seeing him play with all the other kids. I love that I am not a big, crying baby anymore when we leave.
There were many great adoption friends in attendance whom we hadn't yet met in person (only on-line) and it was so fantastic to put faces to names, see their kids and how lovely, beautiful and engaging they all are. There was also a little family we re-connected with after many years of not seeing each other and it was great we both had our sweethearts in our arms finally.
Quite honestly, they have the nicest little support group out there and it really makes me want to move so we can be close to them all...but visiting will have to do.
Grandma loaded Ade into her car for the long ride back to her house and Yvan and I headed further into downtown Vancouver for 2 nights ON OUR OWN!! We slept in, went for long walks and had late suppers. We even got to drink some adult beverages. Delightful!
Ade meanwhile was being escorted around like the prince he is going to the zoo, and out for brunch and playing with his favourite cousin Hayley in the paddling pool. He had an excellent time.
Then we headed back out to pick up Ade and have one last night with my family. We were worried how Ade would be with us when we got back to my mom's house as this was the first time he has been away from us for so long. We thought he might be mad and ignore us but he shrieked "MAMA, PAPA" and leapt into our arms and giggled his little head off.
Me thinks, that went very well.
Then we boarded a flight and headed back home.
Whew! Vacations are fun but tiring.
Ade was very glad to be home and reunited with his best friends Leroy and Grissom.
I did not take one photo on this little holiday. Not one. O.k. I did take one - of a couple of otters we saw on the dock waiting for the ferry. But I was too tired and lazy to take anymore.
So no photos to share but trust when I say - A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Bridge City Beat Down
O.k. we might just be crazy but we just registered for this - The Bridge City Beat Down.Sounds enticing doesn't it!
It is a local version of the Crossfit Games which is a yearly event held in California to find the "Fittest on Earth".
Ours is to find the "Fittest Person on the Prairies".
Yvan did it last year and had a blast.
My goal is complete all 3 WODs (WOD = workout of the day).
It's a personal challenge.
Yvan and I have been "Crossfitting" for about a 1 1/2 now but I really started to get my head into it about 4 months ago.
Not that I wasn't serious about it but my mind was definitely always on the adoption and my focus was getting Ade home.
He is home and settling in so now I am setting some goals for myself.
And this is one of them.
To work hard, do my best and finish the day with a smile on my face.
What I need is some encouragement.
So, pretty please, with sugar on top, tell me I can do it!
What is this crossfit thing we are doing you ask? Read this and it will tell you.
And watch this to get an idea of what we are in for
If you live where we live, come and cheer for us on Sept. 10th.
It is a local version of the Crossfit Games which is a yearly event held in California to find the "Fittest on Earth".
Ours is to find the "Fittest Person on the Prairies".
Yvan did it last year and had a blast.
My goal is complete all 3 WODs (WOD = workout of the day).
It's a personal challenge.
Yvan and I have been "Crossfitting" for about a 1 1/2 now but I really started to get my head into it about 4 months ago.
Not that I wasn't serious about it but my mind was definitely always on the adoption and my focus was getting Ade home.
He is home and settling in so now I am setting some goals for myself.
And this is one of them.
To work hard, do my best and finish the day with a smile on my face.
What I need is some encouragement.
So, pretty please, with sugar on top, tell me I can do it!
What is this crossfit thing we are doing you ask? Read this and it will tell you.
And watch this to get an idea of what we are in for
If you live where we live, come and cheer for us on Sept. 10th.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Green Gum Drops
Well, thank you!
To each and everyone of you who commented or sent me an email or a message on Facebook.
I appreciate it.
My motivation to blog has been renewed by your thoughts, advice and encouragement.
When I started my blog it was to document our journey to Ade as well to connect with others who were building their families through adoption.
It has been a positive experience and I want to keep going with it.
I have made some lifelong friendships.
Sometimes I hesitated telling the good, the bad and the ugly.
I don't want anyone to think everything is "happy, happy, joy, joy!" all the time.
Because it isn't.
But it isn't all doom and gloom either (it seemed that way to me for while).
It's real life.
The happy, sad, hard, fun, trying, amazing chronicles of....
Our life!
And yes, as someone kindly reminded me...it's my blog and I can blog about anything I want.
Even green gum drops!
See you soon!
To each and everyone of you who commented or sent me an email or a message on Facebook.
I appreciate it.
My motivation to blog has been renewed by your thoughts, advice and encouragement.
When I started my blog it was to document our journey to Ade as well to connect with others who were building their families through adoption.
It has been a positive experience and I want to keep going with it.
I have made some lifelong friendships.
Sometimes I hesitated telling the good, the bad and the ugly.
I don't want anyone to think everything is "happy, happy, joy, joy!" all the time.
Because it isn't.
But it isn't all doom and gloom either (it seemed that way to me for while).
It's real life.
The happy, sad, hard, fun, trying, amazing chronicles of....
Our life!
And yes, as someone kindly reminded me...it's my blog and I can blog about anything I want.
Even green gum drops!
See you soon!
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Blog Conundrum
I have been having a hard time with my blog lately.
So, I closed it to see if I missed it.
I didn't really.
I missed you! But I didn't miss the blog.
There are a few reasons.
Motivation to actually write plays a big factor.
Summer chaos is another.
People not commenting or reading is also coming into play.
Feeling like I want to tell the truth about life but feeling like I should sugar-coat it...I don't know why that is.
Folks reading and then feeling they know what is happening in my life so not calling anymore (for shame).
Being tired of social media and how it is supposed to bring people closer together but in actual fact it makes us all lonelier and stuck inside our houses attached to our computers.
So what should I do?
Give me your feedback! I value your opinions! (if your still reading)
So, I closed it to see if I missed it.
I didn't really.
I missed you! But I didn't miss the blog.
There are a few reasons.
Motivation to actually write plays a big factor.
Summer chaos is another.
People not commenting or reading is also coming into play.
Feeling like I want to tell the truth about life but feeling like I should sugar-coat it...I don't know why that is.
Folks reading and then feeling they know what is happening in my life so not calling anymore (for shame).
Being tired of social media and how it is supposed to bring people closer together but in actual fact it makes us all lonelier and stuck inside our houses attached to our computers.
So what should I do?
Give me your feedback! I value your opinions! (if your still reading)
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