Manic Mondays

I've decided Mondays will be the day I talk about PADS.

I know I am not the only one to go thru it. This is evident by some of the comments on my last post and from emails I have received from other post adoptive mothers and bio moms too.

Thank you so much for reaching out and letting me know I wasn't alone. If I haven't emailed you back yet, I will! I promise.

Today my friend Claudia reminded me about this article - it seems even Melissa Faye Greene went through post adoption depression and if she can then so can anyone.

There are people who will not understand what I am going through and that is o.k. There are some who probably won't like that I am blogging about this and that is o.k. too.

I know before our adoption when I read blogs about people talking about what life was like after their kids came home I was quick to say in my head "But your kids are home! You should be enjoying this time." Little did I know how hard the transition can be. It was those blogs, those posts, I should have been reading even more so in order to gain experience from others about what life is like when you come home.

I want to be clear here. It is not Ade. He is a sweetheart. He is beautiful. He is going through so much and I am aware of how hard this uprooting is for him. I haven't forgotten that fact at all.

What I do know for sure is this - I can't help him through this tough and emotional transition if I don't recognize what is happening to me. I need to don my oxygen mask first in order to help him get his on.

Each person's experience will be different. It will come from a different place and for different reasons. Mine comes from 39 years of living a life of my own and only having to worry about making sure I made it through each day ( and in the last 8 years with my husband of course) and to suddenly have a wee little dude who needs me to help navigate the world...well it is overwhelming.

And it's o.k. I know it will pass with time.

So, Manic Mondays will be the day I talk about how I am feeling. Because after all, aren't Mondays the most manic day of all?

Confession Friday

I confess it is friggin' cold here today and I am tired of it. I need it to be spring...I know I have said that before but it is really true.

I confess we had a great family meal tonight - nothing like ordering in pizza on a cold winter's night!

I confess my son loves Jamiroquai which makes me very happy. He also likes Ben Harper and Jack Johnson.

I confess this week I learned to ask for help when I need it. I have always been the kind of person who thinks they can handle it all on their own....I learned the hard way this is not true.

I confess we have a fantastic support group made up of friends and family who have helped us so much and for whom we can not tell enough how much we love them.

I confess music does much for the soul and tonight we are having a music fest to top all music fests! And there is dancing! Dancing the likes of which you have never seen!

I confess our adoption journey was long and full of twists and turns. So much so that last week my body gave out and said "Enough! Since you won't rest, I will make you!" and it did.

I confess without my husband and both of our moms this last week would have been far worse than it was.

I confess no one talks about what happens, what really happens, when they come home. It isn't all "daisies and roses". There are good times, there are bad times and there are some U.G.L.Y times.

I confess I am suffering from this and I felt so alone...until I reached out and found there were other people who felt or were feeling like I was....adoption and bio alike.

I confess I am going to share what we are going through so that others know they aren't alone.

I confess this is a time of healing for all of us, of bonding, of becoming a family and the road will be rocky...it will be like the yellow brick road....full of so many adventures but in the end we will come out o.k. and maybe we won't get to see the wizard but we will get to Kansas where "there's no place like home!"

I'm Still Here..

...just taking some time.

Being sick really threw me for a loop as well as the wee one and hubby.

There is much to talk about and it will come.

Ethiopia is on my mind and I need to gather it all together before I start to write about it.


Until then there is this....

Confession Friday (on Saturday)

I confess I have been very sick this last week.

I confess my husband had to do a lot of parenting on his own because I couldn't get out of bed.

I confess I hate being sick.

I confess I am feeling better today.

I confess next Friday I will confess on time.

I confess it is a long weekend and will have an extra day to spend with my husband.

I confess it is Family Day long weekend and our first one as a family.

I confess it is cold here again - really cold and I hate the cold...spring needs to come NOW.

I confess I have never said on my blog how you pronounce my name and when Tova called me yesterday for the first time we laughed about how a lot of people think my name is pronounced a certain way when in fact it is not.

I confess it is Rana as in Rayna

I confess I loved talking to Tova as I knew I would and she was kind, loving and full of great support and advice.

I confess I am leaving you with a photo of the wee one in the snow.

So last night....

...while we were watching the Grammy's (yes we were watching them, mainly because Arcade Fire was going to perform)

the young son was content to just play with blocks and eat his books (we are working on reading them instead of eating them)

then in the middle of Usher and The Beibs he got up and started flailing his arms around in attempt to dance (something he doesn't grace us with very often)

and I thought - "oh crappity, crap and so it begins with the crappy music liking"

when the song was over he went back to his block playing and book eating.

then Mumford and Sons came on followed by The Avett Brothers and he sat in rapt attention, taking in every note and lyric...

...and I thought "Hallelujah! There is hope after all!"

sadly...when Bob Dylan came on he went back to blocking and eating!

he went to bed before our favourite band played but we got to see them.

Confession Friday

I confess I forgot it was Confession Friday until I opened up my computer and saw all the confessions pop-up in my blog reader.

I confess I am glad it is the weekend so Yvan will be home for the next 2 days to help me chase after our 2 year old.

I confess I am making apple bran muffins but I got the recipe from a friend and she only gave me half of it so I am winging it.

I confessit is finally nice here today and I might get adventurous and take the wee one out for a walk.

I confess I am having a hard time finding a stroller for every day use - anyone have any suggestions?

I confess I just heard the President of Egypt FINALLY stepped down. Yes, I have been following the story daily.

I confess I need a pedicure - yikes my feet are terrible.

I confess my muffins turned out even though I was winging it.

I confess it has taken me about a half hour to get this post written.

I confess I could use a long, uninterrupted nap - likely not to happen until I am 65!

The Toddler Experience

Whew, I finally am awake enough and Ade is napping so I can actually write a blog post.

We have been home a week and half now and the time has flown by.

We are EXHAUSTED!!!

The toddler experience is busy, loud, overwhelming, fun, exhausting, emotional and so on.

We knew it wouldn't be easy bringing home a 2 year old but we were certainly not prepared for how hard it actually is.

For the most part he is a happy little guy...he loves to play, be held and pet the dogs and cat.

There are some food issues happening with our little dude. It is hard to watch him get so upset if the food isn't ready fast enough or when he stands at the fridge and cries because he wants to eat. He could eat himself sick and did the first few days...we seem to be managing it a bit better now....lots of distractions and snack times often through out the day. He seems to be starting to understand the food will come. This is probably the most difficult of all the things we are encountering because he doesn't understand us when we tell him the food will always be there.

Then comes all the fun stuff! PARASITES! Yup, they are in the house...well in his little belly anyways...so that has been fun! Um, no - so nasty! We are waiting on the proper meds to come in so we can treat him and hopefully be clear and free...or not!

The jet lag was brutal! It wiped us all out! You think you are feeling better and then you are falling asleep standing up. The wee one was up a few nights at 2a.m. and all "What? It's time to play!" Oh boy that was hard!

The other thing we are now encountering is the bedtime issue. He was so good in Ethiopia and even the first week home he was fantastic. Went to bed no problem...the last two nights have not been as easy. Once he is asleep he will sleep until 7:30 or 8 which is nice so now it is getting him back into the groove of falling asleep again with out tears.

So, overall we are exhausted, happy, overwhelmed, tired and basically getting used to our new life...it was quite the epiphany Yvan and I had when we got home. "Oh right, we have a child now and as such can not do all things like we used to."

Yup, life as we know it has changed!

No one said parenting a toddler was easy and they right....but each day gets a little better as we all adjust to one another.

P.S. Please excuse the spelling and grammatical errors - I have cat on me while I type who is needing lots of love right now.

Wordless Wednesday

Mom and cub sleeping

Rana and Ade sleeping on the couch after a busy day. I just couldn't help but to post this photo. She doesn't know i posted this, so let's keep it a secret

Let Sleeping Boys (&Dogs) Lie

Confession Friday (The Early Edition)

I confess it is 6:30 in the A.M as I am writing this confession. This is my new wake up time because wee one says it is so!

I confess the fact he is home with us is still so surreal. He is not just a photo in an update email anymore. He is real. In our home. Sleeping in his bed.

I confess we loved Ethiopia! LOVED ETHIOPIA! It was so hard for both of us to leave....there were many tears shed the night before and the day we left and they weren't Ade's.

I confess I missed Confession Fridays while I was away. I love how many people have joined the Confession posse!

I confess jet lag is a bitch! Especially for toddlers but thankfully he seems to be over it already...us...not so much! Oh that could just be The Tired from chasing after a 2 year old.

I confess I will likely never have to buy our child clothes again thanks to all the wonderful people who have given us gifts.

I confess this edition will likely be mostly about the wee boy...I can't help it.

I confess it is good to be home in my house with power and clean water...we have so much to be thankful for and I will always remember that!

I confess I have a naked baby sitting on my lap because his diaper was SO FULL this morning and the hubby had to bath him after changing him.

I confess I missed my dogs and cat while we were gone. So much. I still love them as much as I ever did.

I confess we have A LOT (Some might even go as far as to say ALOT) of video and photos from our trip! It will take some time to go thru it all and then I will start posting about RANAVAN'S JOURNEY TO ETHIOPIA!

I confess I am meeting Lyndsey tonight! Wheeee! She is in town to visit her cousin and we are going for dinner...momma's first night out without the babe! Thanks hubby!

I confess the airport arrival was so emotional and overwhelming...we knew we had love and support from our friends and family but we didn't realize how much! The wee boy is loved beyond words.

I confess I was so happy to hear Chad, Laura and Sara had become Chad, Laura, Sara, and Seth while we were away - dreams really do come true Laura!

I confess this might be my longest confession to date...I might have lots to confess.

I confess parenting a toddler will be hard, full of challenges and sleepless nights but we are up for it!

I confess I need to start drinking coffee if this is my new wake up time!

Wordless Wednesday