Tuesday, January 3, 2012

And so 2012 begins....

....and I am already exhausted!

I should be well rested from our Christmas holidays. Alas, this is not the case.

A week off with Yvan home is something which rarely happens (maybe once a year) and try as we might to have some down time we found ourselves flitting about here and there visiting and eating with friends and family.

Couple that with a New Year's Eve spent with delightful friends where we stayed up until (wait for it....) 2:30 in the AM!!!!

Ade woke up punctually at 7:15AM giving us less than 5 hours sleep. Yes, we did this to ourselves...and spent much of New Year's Day laying on the couch in our pajamas watching Ade run hither and thither through the house. It's ok...he survived the less-than-attentive parenting we offered. It's amazing how a child can just play, and play, and play and play....

My little Grandma, who is 88, has been sick on and off for months now. It started back in September and she is progressively getting worse. This weighs on my mind and my heart. We have always been very close and she helped raise me for a good chunk of my life. Seeing her become weaker by the day is heartbreaking and watching as she slides deeper into depression because she can't do the things she used to dreadful.

She often tells me these days, that "getting old is no fun" and I believe for her now that she is sick and her frail body is failing here it isn't any fun at all. She has always been a very active woman who bowled, went for walks, played shuffle board and managed to go shopping every single day. She would like to continue the robust, active life she held but finds it to strenous and being confined to her tiny apartment has been awful for her.

Seeing my sweet grandma like this is saddening and emotionally draining because as much as I want to make her better and for her to live for ever.....I can't.

Starting back to work right after Christmas holidays is harder than I thought. Being in a laid-back, carefee, wear pajama's until noon, no need to rush to get Yvan out the door, or Ade ready for activities mode got to be quite routine. (Funny how that can happen in a week) and so this morning when we heard Ade wake up and looked up at the clock and realized it was 8AM we both jumped out of bed in bleary-eyed wonderment at having slept in on the first day back to work.

That made me tired too.

I read post a while back about being in the moment...and I am trying. But I keep getting ahead of myself and find that I am living 4 months down the road or planning our summer holidays...for crying out loud it is only January 3rd! That can wait right?! My brain is whirring with the sound of my inner voice saying "What adventures can we get up to this year?" and "You SHOULD book some stuff now so you don't leave it until the last minute and then don't get to do it!"

I am making my self tired.

We are also building a new house. I have been very hush, hush on the subject, mainly because Yvan wanted me to, but it isn't something I can keep quiet about anymore. It is stressing me out. We are building our dream home. I am very thankful that we are able to do this. But I am a girl who likes everything in their place and the creature comforts of a well established home (I moved A LOT when I was kid). Our home now has fully and completely wrapped its arms around me in a homey embrace and I don't want to let go. I know that I house is just a house and you make it a home but right now...after all the changes and ups and downs of the last few years...my home is my safe haven and I will be so sad to leave it.

Building a new home is very tiring (but exciting).

There is also a niggling in my brain. The niggling is much to do with how I can do more to help others. I would like to volunteer more this year but not quite sure at what. Any suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Alright, this post is fast just becoming me vomitting random stuff all over my keyboard and likely you have stopped reading this post by now.

That is if anyone is still reading my blog. I have NOT been the best bloggers as of late.

I will leave you with some things I would like to better myself with in the year 2012. Not resolutions because really do those ever work but small goals or minor achievements I would like to see myself hit.

Get more rest.

Worry less.

See friends more.

Get on my yoga mat.

Meditate.

Crossfit without fear of failure.

Spend more time with my husband.

Travel with my wee family to some fun destinations (at least one or two trips somewhere in Canada)

Complain less.

Smile more.

Stop to smell the roses.

Volunteer.

Stop being so damn hard on myself.

Laugh more.

Hug people more.

Dance more.

Tell me some of your goals for the New Year!

Happy 2012 :)

9 comments:

Dancin' Momma said...

What a great update :)

For this year my resolutions are simple:
- Continue down the path of health and fitness that I started last year. I have been successful and now need to keep it going!
- At least once a month have a date night with my hubby. We only usually get 3 or 4 date nights a year. It is not enough, so this year we are going to make sure it happens at least once a month!
- Plan and go on some fabulous adventures, and no longer live in fear of Taye's special needs. This is a tough one for me, his needs are extreme at times. But if we can survive our trip next month I think my confidence will go through the roof, then hold on world... we are coming!!

maplewalnutmama said...

I so, so get you on the moving piece - the uprooting of life is stressful & tiring even if it is for the dream home. Knowing you guys and your skills in the area of dream homes I bet it will be your haven like none other!

My resolutions, not in goal-format - just in percolating about my wishes format: unroll the yoga mat, feet hitting pavement or trail regularly, calm my temper (via meditation, or kickboxing or maybe both!).

Hugs to you my friend! If you do happen do be trip-planning and camp fires & mountains are on your wish list we should talk!

Mary said...

Hello friend! I'll help you with one of your goals...when can you get together?!

I really want to volunteer more too...preferably with my kids. Let me knw what you comeuppance with. C and I did some canvassing this year and that was a good activity for us, but I'd like to do more/ different activities. Let me know what you one up with.

Melissa said...

Happy New Year Rana!

Someone told me once "if you love what you have now, you will love what you have in the future". I am sure your new home will be just as lovely and homey as your current one in no time at all. And I want some pictures!

Connie said...

Great post! And yes, I read all of it. Sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I'll pray for peace for her and you. My Grandmother is turning 100 in March and definitely a lot more frail than she used to be. I can't imagine living till that age.

I haven't set any real goals for myself, but I like some of yours. One thing I have volunteered at is with Newcomers to Canada. I don't know if your community has a lot of newcomers coming regularly. Ours does and they always need people to help them get settled. I volunteered with a refugee family from Somalia for a whole year until they eventually moved away from the community. I saw them nearly every day for the first several months because they were constantly needing help with something. I had so much fun and felt like I had found my calling. That year stretched me and helped me develop a lot of people skills and gave me a bigger heart for people from around the globe. Since then I have been wanting to find a job working with immigrants.

PS Thanks for wanting to continue following my blog. I'll send you an invite to the email address on your blog.

Tova said...

Good goals. Sad about Grandma cause mine is at the same stage. It sucks to watch and I feel so helpless. I'm just so glad I still have her. And scared for when I don't.

Also, want pics of the house progress! What fun. At least for me. :) I'm sure it's scary and unsettling, but exciting!

Can't wait to see you and hug you. Shall we find a drop in yoga class?

natasha salaash said...

Hey Rana!! It was great to run into you the other day!

Something we have done this year is become a host family through the open door society. You have to attend a couple of information sessions, and then they will match you with a newcomer family that is similar to your own. So, you could host a family with a 3 year old and Ade would have a friend to play with. You have to commit to meeting with them once a week to visit or help with forms they need to fill out etc. that seemed like alot to me and kinda scared me, but it is only for like an hour and you can do fun things like go to the zoo or museum or just have tea! You might even be able to match with an Ethiopian family. Anyways, just an idea that works for us.
Did you know that there is an Ethiopian Christmas potluck at Albert community centre this Sat.7th at 6pm? We are going as so is Laura. you should come!
Talk soon.
Natasha

Claudia said...

Oh ,so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know that pain, and it's hard hard hard.

hazel said...

I love your resolutions, Rana!

Sorry to hear about your grandma. It's so hard to watch our loved ones age and be unwell. I hope she rallys and feels better and stronger soon.

Congrats on your new home! Lika Tova, I would LOVE to see the "In Progress" photos. I love that stuff!