....and I am already exhausted!
I should be well rested from our Christmas holidays. Alas, this is not the case.
A week off with Yvan home is something which rarely happens (maybe once a year) and try as we might to have some down time we found ourselves flitting about here and there visiting and eating with friends and family.
Couple that with a New Year's Eve spent with delightful friends where we stayed up until (wait for it....) 2:30 in the AM!!!!
Ade woke up punctually at 7:15AM giving us less than 5 hours sleep. Yes, we did this to ourselves...and spent much of New Year's Day laying on the couch in our pajamas watching Ade run hither and thither through the house. It's ok...he survived the less-than-attentive parenting we offered. It's amazing how a child can just play, and play, and play and play....
My little Grandma, who is 88, has been sick on and off for months now. It started back in September and she is progressively getting worse. This weighs on my mind and my heart. We have always been very close and she helped raise me for a good chunk of my life. Seeing her become weaker by the day is heartbreaking and watching as she slides deeper into depression because she can't do the things she used to dreadful.
She often tells me these days, that "getting old is no fun" and I believe for her now that she is sick and her frail body is failing here it isn't any fun at all. She has always been a very active woman who bowled, went for walks, played shuffle board and managed to go shopping every single day. She would like to continue the robust, active life she held but finds it to strenous and being confined to her tiny apartment has been awful for her.
Seeing my sweet grandma like this is saddening and emotionally draining because as much as I want to make her better and for her to live for ever.....I can't.
Starting back to work right after Christmas holidays is harder than I thought. Being in a laid-back, carefee, wear pajama's until noon, no need to rush to get Yvan out the door, or Ade ready for activities mode got to be quite routine. (Funny how that can happen in a week) and so this morning when we heard Ade wake up and looked up at the clock and realized it was 8AM we both jumped out of bed in bleary-eyed wonderment at having slept in on the first day back to work.
That made me tired too.
I read post a while back about being in the moment...and I am trying. But I keep getting ahead of myself and find that I am living 4 months down the road or planning our summer holidays...for crying out loud it is only January 3rd! That can wait right?! My brain is whirring with the sound of my inner voice saying "What adventures can we get up to this year?" and "You SHOULD book some stuff now so you don't leave it until the last minute and then don't get to do it!"
I am making my self tired.
We are also building a new house. I have been very hush, hush on the subject, mainly because Yvan wanted me to, but it isn't something I can keep quiet about anymore. It is stressing me out. We are building our dream home. I am very thankful that we are able to do this. But I am a girl who likes everything in their place and the creature comforts of a well established home (I moved A LOT when I was kid). Our home now has fully and completely wrapped its arms around me in a homey embrace and I don't want to let go. I know that I house is just a house and you make it a home but right now...after all the changes and ups and downs of the last few years...my home is my safe haven and I will be so sad to leave it.
Building a new home is very tiring (but exciting).
There is also a niggling in my brain. The niggling is much to do with how I can do more to help others. I would like to volunteer more this year but not quite sure at what. Any suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Alright, this post is fast just becoming me vomitting random stuff all over my keyboard and likely you have stopped reading this post by now.
That is if anyone is still reading my blog. I have NOT been the best bloggers as of late.
I will leave you with some things I would like to better myself with in the year 2012. Not resolutions because really do those ever work but small goals or minor achievements I would like to see myself hit.
Get more rest.
See friends more.
Get on my yoga mat.
Crossfit without fear of failure.
Spend more time with my husband.
Travel with my wee family to some fun destinations (at least one or two trips somewhere in Canada)
Stop to smell the roses.
Stop being so damn hard on myself.
Hug people more.
Tell me some of your goals for the New Year!
Happy 2012 :)