Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Today at the gym...

....I cried.

In front of a bunch of people I don't know.

I cried.

We were alternating between deadlifts and pullups and somewhere in between all the emotion I had in me from seeing the new photos of Ade last night just spilled over.

Right in front of the entire noon group...(oh we just started this thing called crossfit and you work out in groups)...anyways I am the new girl at the gym and now I am the new "crying girl" at the gym.

And the pictures...oh the pictures...they are amazing...

He is growing so much...

Changing so much...

We are missing so much...

....so I cried.

At the gym...

...in front of a bunch of people I don't know.

At least while the tears were flowing, I was able to deadlift 130lbs and do 7 pullups using only purple and black bands!

32 comments:

CinnamonOpus said...

Oh honey. You go on ahead and cry. You've earned it.

Plus, you could totally take anybody who gave you grief about it! Holy muscles, Batman!

Crystal Dahl-Wildeman said...

Rana,
The moment will come when those tears of sadness turn into tears of joy. I understand that you feel you are missing so much right now but there is so much more you will be experiencing as Ade's Mommy. Way to turn that around and lift like the weight was nothing in comparison to your feelings.

Ricki said...

If anyone has a free "burst out in tears at a not-so-"appropriate" time pass, it's you. Let it out girl.
Hugs,
Ricki

Tova said...

Oh, poor you! But, well, your group will have to just deal. And you have more than enough reason to justify public crying. Kind of like the time when I was at the bank and a teller asked how I was and I burst into tears. Yup.

Stephanie said...

Working out can definitely bring out the emotions!! 130 lbs....wowsers..you are strong!! I'll have to remember not to get on your bad side ;-)

The pictures were amazing but I so know how you feel!!!

Steph :-)

Brendan and Mary said...

Of course you cried! I cannot wait to see those tears of joy when you hold your cutie pie in your arms. And those tears of frustration when your good-looking teenager is getting himself into trouble. Cry whenever the hell you need to...and if anyone looks at you funny, tell them your friend Mary will take them down (with the help of her ripped friend, Rana!)We'll continue to pray for you and for that paperwork to get moving. Thinking of you all the time,
Mary

Jess said...

cry away.... it's good to let it out!

Kendra said...

The emotion has to come out somehow and crying is one of the better ways really.

I am happy you got new pics though - wishing more news came with them!

Carolyn said...

Cry all you want to- if those gym people knew your story they would all cry too! I know what it is like to get new pictures and see all the changes in your little one. It is very hard.

Carolyn

D Dae said...

{{hugs}} Let it out sweetie!

Corrie said...

Oh Rana, I wish we could jet you off to Ethiopia to pick up your sweet babe.

I am so sorry this is taking so long.

He is so worth every moment and every tear.

Sarah said...

If I were at the gym when you were having a cry, I would've come over and given you a hankie and a great big hug.

Claudia said...

I say cry it out. And yeah, like cinnamonopus said - you can totally smack down anyone who laughs. You are STRONG!

Alex said...

I'm telling you Rana, hot yoga is the way to go. No one can tell if there are tears streaming down your face or you're just really sweaty!
I'm thinking of you and all of us waiters, I can't believe how hard this is some days.

Dianne said...

Rana, I'm sending my biggest hugs your way. Cry when you need to. If anyone should be allowed, it's you. I lost count of how many co-workers witnessed my ugly cry last year.

I second Alex's suggestion of hot yoga. If all else fails, it will make you pass out (or so I've been told...) and give you a few moments peace.

turgeonexpansion said...

Rana, how could you not have the tears after seeing his little face. It's hard. Next time just pass off the tears as sweating from your eye sockets cuz you're working out so hard.

Kristen and Dave said...

Thinking of you and praying you, Yvan and your precious angel are together soon.

Kristen :)

dacops said...

Rana, I am amazed at your strength. I just wish the answers would come and
you could bring your son home. Cry if you need to, that what will make you a wonderful mother.

Hang in there, Andrea

Anonymous said...

PDT's (AKA: Public Display of Tears) are a part of this adoption path. You just never know when they are going to come streaming out!
When you get that gorgeous boy of yours home, bring him back to the gym with you. Remind your work-out group of the day you burst into tears and introduce the little guy that caused it all. There won't be a dry eye around!
Jen D

Littleone said...

You so have every right to cry. Things are not right and nobody else can understand that.
From the sounds of it though you could give em a lickin if they said a word about it!

Donna

Janice said...

Oh Rana, so sorry for the sadness. It just isn't fair.

Sounds like you channel the frustration into your workouts. Your rock HeWoman.

JJ

Anonymous said...

It will be SO great when you are united. I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed by the sadness of missing him, and you have every right to cry... in public or wherever!

Crossfit, huh? I know someone who is heavily into it. He's looking very fit! Me, I'm suspicious of its cult-like following, but I do hear great things.

Hugs, and way to deadlift more than your own weight, girl!

Medbh

Vanilla said...

Bigs hugs to you and Yvan and holy cow you are one strong lady! (and not just physically :))

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

Let it out my friend. Who cares about everyone else. I know for me, who cares about anything else.

If I could have been there with you, I would have given you a big sweaty hug.

Loves,
Laura

Connie said...

I can totally understand why you cried. Just cry it out. Hugs to you!

natasha said...

I agree with cinnamon. Go ahead and cry. Cry till your heart aches, and cry some more. You have earned every tear and more.
Natasha

Anonymous said...

I would cry too...and I have several times at work when I was waiting to get through court. 9 months until I could pick up my daughter, felt like forever.....

Jessica

Shawn and Laura said...

*Hugs*!!!
that's all I can say

Laura

Dana said...

I've had those moments so many times. Let it go, who cares who sees you. You are crying for your child.

Dana

Good job on the deadlift!

Sharla said...

I'm happy you got new pictures, sad that they are tinged with the sting that he is growing older in them and not in your arms.

If you want to really freak out the girls at the class, then next class, just go in and part-way through, start laughing hysterically! They'll just call you the crazy girl then!

Lizzard said...

Oh... I know what you are feeling... The pain is so real... It feels like you are missing out on all these 'firsts'... But soon (when he is home, which right now feels forever away but isn't because soon he will be in your arms) you will know that there are soooooo many firsts for you to all experience together! Right now it is impossible. But soon you will be the super happy/frazzled/babymommy at the gym who is distracted by thoughts of her beautiful baby and doesn't care anymore about deadlifting anything except your adorable baby! Take care of yourself. Liz

Kari --- said...

I check your blog almost every day, hoping and praying to see the long-awaited celebratory post that you've passed court and got your travel dates...
It will be here SOON, I just know it. Until then, I'll keep my fingers crossed and send prayers for Ade to come home SOON!