....I cried.
In front of a bunch of people I don't know.
I cried.
We were alternating between deadlifts and pullups and somewhere in between all the emotion I had in me from seeing the new photos of Ade last night just spilled over.
Right in front of the entire noon group...(oh we just started this thing called crossfit and you work out in groups)...anyways I am the new girl at the gym and now I am the new "crying girl" at the gym.
And the pictures...oh the pictures...they are amazing...
He is growing so much...
Changing so much...
We are missing so much...
....so I cried.
At the gym...
...in front of a bunch of people I don't know.
At least while the tears were flowing, I was able to deadlift 130lbs and do 7 pullups using only purple and black bands!
31 comments:
Oh honey. You go on ahead and cry. You've earned it.
Plus, you could totally take anybody who gave you grief about it! Holy muscles, Batman!
Rana,
The moment will come when those tears of sadness turn into tears of joy. I understand that you feel you are missing so much right now but there is so much more you will be experiencing as Ade's Mommy. Way to turn that around and lift like the weight was nothing in comparison to your feelings.
If anyone has a free "burst out in tears at a not-so-"appropriate" time pass, it's you. Let it out girl.
Hugs,
Ricki
Working out can definitely bring out the emotions!! 130 lbs....wowsers..you are strong!! I'll have to remember not to get on your bad side ;-)
The pictures were amazing but I so know how you feel!!!
Steph :-)
Of course you cried! I cannot wait to see those tears of joy when you hold your cutie pie in your arms. And those tears of frustration when your good-looking teenager is getting himself into trouble. Cry whenever the hell you need to...and if anyone looks at you funny, tell them your friend Mary will take them down (with the help of her ripped friend, Rana!)We'll continue to pray for you and for that paperwork to get moving. Thinking of you all the time,
Mary
cry away.... it's good to let it out!
The emotion has to come out somehow and crying is one of the better ways really.
I am happy you got new pics though - wishing more news came with them!
Cry all you want to- if those gym people knew your story they would all cry too! I know what it is like to get new pictures and see all the changes in your little one. It is very hard.
Carolyn
{{hugs}} Let it out sweetie!
Oh Rana, I wish we could jet you off to Ethiopia to pick up your sweet babe.
I am so sorry this is taking so long.
He is so worth every moment and every tear.
If I were at the gym when you were having a cry, I would've come over and given you a hankie and a great big hug.
I say cry it out. And yeah, like cinnamonopus said - you can totally smack down anyone who laughs. You are STRONG!
I'm telling you Rana, hot yoga is the way to go. No one can tell if there are tears streaming down your face or you're just really sweaty!
I'm thinking of you and all of us waiters, I can't believe how hard this is some days.
Rana, I'm sending my biggest hugs your way. Cry when you need to. If anyone should be allowed, it's you. I lost count of how many co-workers witnessed my ugly cry last year.
I second Alex's suggestion of hot yoga. If all else fails, it will make you pass out (or so I've been told...) and give you a few moments peace.
Rana, how could you not have the tears after seeing his little face. It's hard. Next time just pass off the tears as sweating from your eye sockets cuz you're working out so hard.
Thinking of you and praying you, Yvan and your precious angel are together soon.
Kristen :)
Rana, I am amazed at your strength. I just wish the answers would come and
you could bring your son home. Cry if you need to, that what will make you a wonderful mother.
Hang in there, Andrea
PDT's (AKA: Public Display of Tears) are a part of this adoption path. You just never know when they are going to come streaming out!
When you get that gorgeous boy of yours home, bring him back to the gym with you. Remind your work-out group of the day you burst into tears and introduce the little guy that caused it all. There won't be a dry eye around!
Jen D
You so have every right to cry. Things are not right and nobody else can understand that.
From the sounds of it though you could give em a lickin if they said a word about it!
Donna
Oh Rana, so sorry for the sadness. It just isn't fair.
Sounds like you channel the frustration into your workouts. Your rock HeWoman.
JJ
It will be SO great when you are united. I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed by the sadness of missing him, and you have every right to cry... in public or wherever!
Crossfit, huh? I know someone who is heavily into it. He's looking very fit! Me, I'm suspicious of its cult-like following, but I do hear great things.
Hugs, and way to deadlift more than your own weight, girl!
Medbh
Bigs hugs to you and Yvan and holy cow you are one strong lady! (and not just physically :))
Let it out my friend. Who cares about everyone else. I know for me, who cares about anything else.
If I could have been there with you, I would have given you a big sweaty hug.
Loves,
Laura
I can totally understand why you cried. Just cry it out. Hugs to you!
I agree with cinnamon. Go ahead and cry. Cry till your heart aches, and cry some more. You have earned every tear and more.
Natasha
I would cry too...and I have several times at work when I was waiting to get through court. 9 months until I could pick up my daughter, felt like forever.....
Jessica
*Hugs*!!!
that's all I can say
Laura
I've had those moments so many times. Let it go, who cares who sees you. You are crying for your child.
Dana
Good job on the deadlift!
I'm happy you got new pictures, sad that they are tinged with the sting that he is growing older in them and not in your arms.
If you want to really freak out the girls at the class, then next class, just go in and part-way through, start laughing hysterically! They'll just call you the crazy girl then!
Oh... I know what you are feeling... The pain is so real... It feels like you are missing out on all these 'firsts'... But soon (when he is home, which right now feels forever away but isn't because soon he will be in your arms) you will know that there are soooooo many firsts for you to all experience together! Right now it is impossible. But soon you will be the super happy/frazzled/babymommy at the gym who is distracted by thoughts of her beautiful baby and doesn't care anymore about deadlifting anything except your adorable baby! Take care of yourself. Liz
I check your blog almost every day, hoping and praying to see the long-awaited celebratory post that you've passed court and got your travel dates...
It will be here SOON, I just know it. Until then, I'll keep my fingers crossed and send prayers for Ade to come home SOON!
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