Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Plantings in my Mind

The inbetween is hard!

And by inbetween I mean in between the times when we find out information from our agency to the next time we get an update.

The inbetween time is not good on my psyche.

It can be days or even a week or more before we hear something new.

During the inbetween time my brain goes into overdrive...it starts out postively and I am usually very pumped about the news we received (well if it is positive anyways which it was last time we talked to them)...

...but then that little bugger named doubt creeps in!

It starts digging little tunnels in my brain and planting the 'what if' seeds throughout.

Once the 'what if' seeds start to grow they blossom into 'this is never going to happen' stalks....

When the 'this is never going to happen' stalks grow the 'we are going to live a life without kids' beans flourish!

By the time I hit the 'we are going to live a life without kids' phase...well...let just say the garden overflows with salt water...which is never very good for growing things.

I am in the 'what if' stage right now as it has been about 2 days since we have had an update (and ya, two days in my world right = 2 months).

I really can't wait to start planting the 'how will I decorate his room' seeds which will quickly be followed by the 'looking for flights to Ethiopia' stems which eventually leads to the 'we are home with our beautiful son' blossom.

It really is time our garden had at least one beautiful flower growing in it!

13 comments:

CinnamonOpus said...

Here's hoping you get a whole bouquet.

Heather Blake said...

thinking of you! Hope to see you this weekend at Sandi's! I'm bringing my new daughter who held your sweetheart!
Heather

Tova said...

Ugh.

I want you to have your flowers, dammit! I think about your situation and I get mad and sad for you!

Looking forward to maybe seeing you in a couple months!

Yay! That makes me glad. :) (can you tell rhyming words have been the hot topic lately!?)

D Dae said...

Hugs... Drinking my chai and thinking of you!

Rhonda, Kristin, Eden said...

I'm trying to read between your plantings!

emily and mike said...

You're so cute with words Rana! I want to come over with my machete and cut down those stalks of doubt and it will never happen!

It WILL happen!

The Gaboury's said...

I keep hoping that one day I will read your blog and you will have great news to share. Adoption really does make you go crazy with doubts and depressing thoughts.
I am sorry that you are feeling this way. Adoption shouldn't be this darn difficult.

Janice said...

You so deserve that beautiful flower Rana.

PS. The flower looks like my tattoo.

Louise said...

Bring on the flowers Rana....its time to plant a whole garden!!!

hazel said...

That was beautifully written - I only wish it was a happier subject.

I can't wait for the good seeds to germinate and finally peek their heads above ground so you can participate in all the crazy preparation/planning tasks that suddenly must be done yesterday.

Claudia said...

yes, yes, yes, may your garden of happiness be blooming VERY soon.

K_I_T_ said...

Maybe you guys have been choosen to be tuplips. Nothing blooms thru winter, but come April, May, June, they are full of joy, because everyone loves a tulip....
(just trying to be positive, but I know how hard this has been.)

Sharla said...

I hope we can sip tea together someday and chat about how wonderful motherhood is while we watch our little ones run around in the garden. It may have to be your garden though as I don't exactly have a green thumb!