HOLIDAY!!!!

"If we took a holiday, took some time to celebrate,
just one day out of life...
it would be,it would be so nice.

Everybody spread the word
We're gonna have a celebration
All across the world
In every nation
It's time for the good times
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah
One day to come together
To release the pressure
We need a holiday

You can turn this world around
And bring back all of those happy days
Put your troubles down
It's time to celebrate
Let love shine
And we will find
A way to come together
And make things better
We need a holiday"

Can you tell I'm excited?!!?!!?!!! We both need a break - from work, from adoption, from life - to recharge, re-energize, re-connect!!

WHEEEEEEEEE - we're going to Madonna!!!!

We're going to see my Momma!!!!

We're going to see Rachel!!!

Then we are going here for 3 days

See you all in a week!!!

Much love

Wassup!

Remember the Wassup guys from 8 years ago who did the Budweiser beer commercials?

Well they are back - in support of Obama!

This commercial made me laugh and then made me think....



....Oh, how I wish I could vote in the upcoming U.S. election - Obama would definitely get my vote!

Did a Little Shopping

First of all, I really want to say thanks to every single person who reached out to me/us this week. To all of you who commented on my "Pity Party" post, phoned, emailed etc. THANK YOU! Your love and support overwhelms me!

So, I did a little shopping in the last couple of weeks much to Yvan's chagrin.

Ordered some books from Amazon for the on-line book club I am in.

I ordered - "The Train To Djibouti", "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child" and since I already had this month's children's book I ordered "A Perfect Orange - A Tale from Ethiopia". One of my weaknesses is books. I love new books - I love the smell and being the first person to open the book.

All three books look really good - the parenting book is so far already very interesting! You will notice that little Grissom wants to help me read them too.

Thanks to Rhonda posting about some retail therapy she did - I decided to do some too. (Yvan said to say "ya, thanks Rhonda!" - he he)

I bought this cute little onesie

*Edit - the onsie is from Etsy click here :)




















I also ordered this cookie cutter in the shape of Ethiopia




I am really excited about this because every year I do a baking exchange at Christmas with girlfriends. There is usually about 6 of us. We select and bake one of our favourite treats and then we exchange them. So, we end up with 6 dozen different types of baking and you only had to bake one kind. It is a good excuse for us to get together during the holidays and it makes baking for this crazy time of year easy peasy! This year I am doing Gingerbread cookies in the shape of E! Fun!

I also found these baby bottles from Think Baby at a store in town here.



The bottles are BPA free which is always good right? At least that is what THEY have been saying. I only bought two because we don't even know if our kidlet will need bottles but it seemed like a good idea at the time :)

Now, all I/we need is a holiday!!!

Oh ya, we're taking one IN 5 DAYS!!!!!

Pity Party

So, last week I threw myself a 2 day - o.k. - a 3 day long pity party! And since it was MY pity party I decided I could cry if I wanted too! Which I did - great, big, fat, wet crocodile tears. (Yvan was not happy to be a part of this party let me tell you!)

Let me explain myself here - last week our adoption community saw some long-time-coming referrals (YAAAAAAAAA Rhonda). With the knowledge that referrals are soon going to be a reality, comes the excitement.

Excitement that builds itself over a span of - hmmmmm...lets say about a week or so. There is a frenzy that starts at the tips of your toes and builds itself up to the top of your head - it's as if you are humming with electricity (seriously I could power a small town with my excitement). Even though you know it won't be your turn for the much anticipated phone call there is always that little nagging voice in the back of your head saying "maybe it WILL be your turn" and while you try to ignore that wee little voice it soon overpowers you and you start to believe that your turn will come NOW.

So, you check blogs incessantly, you stay logged into the message board for hours on end hitting the refresh button (right Ricki) over and over again hoping a new thread will pop up announcing the arrival of a referral. You tell yourself you will walk away from the computer and won't check it anymore and before you know it you are back sitting at the computer going thru the whole process again.

Every time the phone rings you jump so high you could win an Olympic Gold medal for high jump from a seated position. Then it happens, families start to post of their joyous news - they have gotten "THE CALL" and are parents. You are excited, exhilarated, happy, thrilled and relieved because it happens, it really does happen. You do a little happy dance! You wait for the phone to ring because maybe, just maybe you will get a call too. It doesn't ring.

Of course it doesn't, it is not your turn yet. Reality sinks in. Panic takes the place of excitement. Has our agency forgotten about us? Is something wrong with our file? Has our dossier gotten lost? Fallen behind a desk? Accidentally been filed in the wrong spot?

Sadness starts to creep in - the emotions of the week take over and before you know it you are sobbing. Sobbing like you have never sobbed before - sobbing the big, fat, wet crocodile tears I mentioned earlier.

You turn to your husband and between sobs ask "When will it be OUR turn?". Hugging you tightly he says, "When the time is right, sweetie, when the time is right." You know he is right but still it hurts. Hurts like no pain you have ever experienced.

And then the pity party festivities commence. You feel as though you CAN NOT continue on with the adoption for one more day. You are convinced it will never happen. You will never be a mother, you will never have children running around your home. You feel destitute, lost, and as though every single breath is a struggle. You start to consider how now would be a good time to book a ticket to the south pole to live among the penguins. Seriously, you consider it.

You mope - around the office, your house, your friends, family and co-workers - feeling sorry for yourself! You cry at the most inconvenient times, you sob in your breakfast, lunch and dinner. There could be no greater sorrow in the world then the one you are feeling at this exact moment.

Then the love starts to come to you - friends send flowers :) emails of support :) and call to see if you are o.k. (even when they are celebrating the best time in their life they remember how they felt when in your spot). Your husband tells you over and over again how much he loves you and how you will be the best momma in the whole world.

Ever-so-slowly the nagging voice in your head starts to disappear and a new one takes it place calmly telling you that you can do it, you can make it, it WILL happen. You start to take deep breaths - in with the good, out with the bad - you can make it thru this, you are strong enough, good things do happen. You remind yourself that life is really pretty good and to stop being so selfish.

You know this won't be the last time you feel this way - there is still a bumpy road ahead, more pity parties to be had. You will still have days of doubt and sadness. The only thing that will really cure this ailment is the call telling you there is a baby for you.

So, I had my pity party - I cried my great, big, fat, wet crocodile tears and I feel better for it. I can't keep all that emotion inside of me - I need to release it. Yvan held me tight and let me cry and then told me it was time move on.

I am strong, I am weak, I am human.

Ladysmith Black Mambazo

Last night Yvan and I went to see Ladysmith Black Mambazo in concert. They are from South Africa and were founded by Joseph Shabalala 47 years ago. As 3 members retired and his brother shot and killed by a security guard he has brought on his 4 sons to sing with the acappella group.

You may remember Ladysmith from Paul Simon's album "Graceland" in which they accompany him on various songs but the big hit was "Homeless".

The concert was set in an old church downtown and played to a capacity audience. Young and old grooved to the beautiful harmonies these exuberant men sang! You could tell they love what they do and the joy they bring to others.

There seems to be quite a community of South Africans in our little city and it was amazing to see quite a few people get up and dance at the front of the church.

Check to see if they are coming to your town - it is a concert you don't want to miss!!!

Congrats Rhonda and Kristin

CONGRATULATIONS RHONDA AND KRISTIN ON YOUR REFERRAL FOR A BABY GIRL!!! They waited way too long (15 months). Make sure you stop by and give them your well wishes!!

"A baby girl...one of the most beautiful miracles in life,one of the greatest joys we can ever know,and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter and happiness in your world today."

Yvan and I send you hugs and jubilation for your special day - heck your special week :)

"Oh You Delicate Heart"

My friend Chad sent me this video of a song by Hawksley Workman today. He must have known my heart was feeling a bit delicate. Lori - you have a good man there!

Poverty?

Why in a world where we have a wide array of eating-for-fun contests

like this

or this

or even this

Must this happen


How you would feel if this was your child ?

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

11 Months

Eleven is energetic, perceptive and intuitive. It is an highly idealistic number, and because of this can appear unstable. Eleven has almost unlimited energy, and for this reason needs to be in touch with both sides of its nature - the physical and spiritual - the mental and emotional.
Eleven is not argumentative, neither is it jealous or possessive. The eleven can seem distant and detached, when in fact it is living in its own dreams.

How many more? 1, 2, 3....is this the Eleventh Hour? I hope so!

6 Random Things

I was tagged (lovingly) by Keltie to tell you all 6 random things about myself. Since it is a holiday Monday and I am up early and bored here goes:

1. I have 2 tattoos - one of a sun on my ankle and one of a cat on my back. Yvan and I are thinking about our next tattoos and they will have to do with our adoption and Ethiopia. Note of interest - Yvan has a sun almost exactly like mine on his calf - we both got them before we ever met - Serendipity maybe ;)

2. I don't like wine - I know I am unrefined, uncool whatever - everyone I know drinks wine - I don't like it - I try but just can't get myself to drink it. I love how people look so very sophisticated when they drink it - sigh! I like gin and soda with a splash of cranberry - does that count? Ooooh or how about Sangria - I love Sangria!

3. I am claustrophobic - I don't like small, cramped spaces - elevators freak me out because I am afraid it will get stuck between floors and we will have to stay in that tiny space with no air for hours. In Thailand we rode for 2 hours in a van with no a/c, no opening windows and about 10 of us jammed in with me smack dab in the middle of the van....I almost lost my mind!

4. I am an only child - that probably explains a lot about me!

5. I am little obsessive compulsive when it comes to colors - last year I pretty much only bought and wore brown clothing - year before that it was blue, year before that it was pink. This year I seem to be into purples and greys.

6. I love to meditate - it clears my mind and allows me to let the things I don't need to think about go! I don't do it as often as I should and am finding I need it more and more as this wait goes on.

I am supposed to tag some people - I nominate Kristen, Natalie, Shannon L, Shelley and Lovesmukiwa but only if they want to :)

Happy Thanksgiving Monday!

Adoption Cures Infertility???

Right, so since we got on the roller coaster ride of emotions called International Adoption we have had a lot of comments.

For the most part, the comments have been positive. Friends and family are supportive and for that we are very thankful!

However, we still get the occasional comment that - well - just makes a girl (and a boy) wanna cry!

It is no secret that we have decided to build our family thru adoption because of "unexplained" infertility. Basically this means that after HSG testing, Laparoscopic surgery, fertility drugs etc. we have not been able to conceive a biological child and there is no medical reason as to why we can't . It just didn't happen! It was hard to understand - the gynecologist said "well, we just don't know why, sometimes we can tell from the testing but everything looks normal and seems to be operating as it should." We looked at each other dumbfounded because this is not what we expected to hear.

So, there it is! We did lots of soul searching and after sitting in the gyno office for fertility treatments and ultrasounds one too many times with extremely pregnant women surrounding me and always leaving the appointments in tears we decided to look at other ways to have a family. We made the conscious decision not to pursue IVF because it wasn't right for us.

After careful consideration and much research we decided to take the route of international adoption because that is where our hearts led us. We are happy with our decision even though at times it has been a wee bit emotional. We made peace with the fact that we will not have biological children but that we would and could still have children and a family of our own.

There are the odd occurrences when we tell people about our adoption and we get answers such as these:

1. "What an honourable thing you are doing."
2. "That child will be so lucky"
3. "You better watch out, now that you are adopting you going to get pregnant"
4. "I have friends who as soon as they decided to adopt they got pregnant and then didn't have to adopt anymore."

I have to bite my tongue lots of times. I know that people don't understand that adoption was our choice. They don't understand that we could have decided that if we can't have biological kids we won't have any kids.

It is not a decision we came to lightly one night over beer and wings. We dug deep into our hearts and asked a lot of questions, the answer that came back to us time and time again was - we want a family, period. It was not how our family was built that mattered to us - what mattered to us was that we had wee ones running around our home, filling the house with laughter, tears, spit up, poop, toys and the patter of little feet.

1. We do not feel we are being honourable by adopting a child - we feel we will be honoured by our unknown child's presence in our lives.

2. We are the lucky ones!

3. At this point we don't want to get pregnant - we are 'pregnant' - 10 months, 3 weeks, 3 days worth of pregnant and believe me my ankles are swollen - I should be on bed rest at this point.

4. I can't even answer this one - I just walk away - this is not a game to us - we didn't decide to adopt because it might be the trick that gets us pregnant. We are committed to our wee boy or girl in E and are taking precautions just in case.

Adoption is not a way to cure infertility. Adoption is a way to create a family.

Wish Me Luck!!!

Today I am off to a 5 hour boot camp - 5 HOURS!!!! My Physio/trainer talked me into this about a month ago - I really am a glutton for punishment!

Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking - I have paid for it so I can't really back out now.

We will be outside for part of it - AND IT IS RAINING TODAY!!!!

Right now I feel a bit like this....

I am hoping I will look like this afterwards....

But I think i will feel more like this....

*EDIT* - I made it thru the afternoon - we had lots of rest breaks so it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - I actually really enjoyed myself. I managed to squat 145lbs,dead lift 130lbs, tractor pull 170lbs and bench press 85lbs (not bad for my chicken arms) - little ole me lifted all that weight! YEOW! I am strong like bull ;)

Some Things that Amaze Me

1. No Cold Sores - I used to be plagued by cold sores all the time. Thru my teen years and into my early 30's I was guaranteed to get a cold sore every couple of months. I have not gotten one cold sore since we started our adoption - NOT ONE! I am not complaining - it is just weird as they usually appear because I get sick OR from STRESS! And there has been stress....oh yes...lots of STRESS! (cue me knocking on wood)

2. Is it Summer??? - It is October 2 and it is 26 degrees (Celsius) today - this is not normal temps for Saskatchewan in October - there has not been any frost on the car windshield - I wore a skirt to work today - A skirt in October - in Saskatchewan!!! I usually have been wearing socks and pants and sweaters for a while at this point. I am usually bundled up ready to brave the harsh winter I know is bound to come - this year I don't know what to think.

3. Good Finds - If I wait 4 days before purchasing an article of clothing I really liked but decided I shouldn't buy because I really didn't need another hooded top and when I go back to look at again because I can't stop thinking about it - IT WILL BE ON SALE - 50% OFF!!!! Yahoo!

4. Grey's Anatomy will not be on tonight - because of the Vice-presidential debates in the States - really - this trumps Grey's! O.k - I guess so - and I think it will be just as good a time watching these two (Palin and Biden) go head to head. Oh ya, and the Canadian debates for Prime Minister are tonight too - sooo not excited for this - really we are probably just going to get ANOTHER minority government again. I will vote don't worry just not excited about it.

5. Boy Band Resurgence - there seems to be a resurgence of old "Boy" bands as of late - this amazes me because they really aren't BOYS anymore - they are grown men!!!! Case in point New Kids on the Block have a new video out and the song is called "Boyfriend" - really - haven't some of them been or are married and have kids - should they be singing to teens about wanting to be their boyfriends (because lets face it they aren't singing to women their own age) Do you really want to be referred to as a "Boy Band" when you are 40! Don't get me wrong - I loved me some boy bands in the day (Duran Duran) but come on!

6. Madonna - is only 27 days away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. Yvan - Yvan still loves me and tells me he will love until we are old and grey. This last couple of weeks as I seem to be going thru the "10 month blues" I haven't been the easiest person to get along with - so Props to Yvan for not running far, far away as fast he can :)

8. Not much happens in 15 minutes - my blog and message board checking has resumed its feverish pace. Has someone gotten a referral? Did someone get a travel date? Did court open in E? Hmmmmm...ya - not much changes in 15 minutes so I should go back to my checking- only -3- times -a -day habit.

9. Coffee - I don't like coffee - this amazes me because pretty much everyone I know loves coffee and drinks copious amounts of coffee - but not me. I can't stand the bitter taste and I really don't understand those people who add lots of sugar and milk or cream and when I ask "why" they say "because it covers up the coffee taste" - Can you say "CAFFEINE ADDICTION" but I shouldn't point fingers because if I don't have my green tea fix every day - well, let's just say it isn't pretty :) I have had coffee twice at Saba's when they do a coffee ceremony - it is my wish to like coffee as our future child will come from the birthplace of coffee - not working so far.

10. It isn't Friday yet? - really, cause I could have sworn it was - sigh - this week seems to be taking FOREVER!!!!