Really??? Did You JUST Ask Me That?????

Last week Ade and I went to the park with Yvan's brother for an afternoon.

While we were playing and running around a lady walking a dog approached us.

"How cute are you?" She said to Ade.

"Your just so cute that's what!". She continued.

We are used to this. We get it a lot!

Random strangers telling us how cute our wee son is.

And he is cute! Killer cute! Melt your heart cute!

Lock up your daughters cute! (I know he is only 2 but let me tell you he loves the ladies!)

The woman continued. "Is he adopted?"

"Yes he is." I politely replied.

Then this woman I have never met said to me:

"Does he have a mom and dad?"

Never in my life have I had to contain myself from going off on an all out tangent on someone.

"Yes, he does." I said through clenched teeth. "My husband and I are his mom and dad."

Then she kept on, "Oh, well you know what I mean! Where are his REAL parents? What happened to him?"

"Hmmmmmm", I thought to myself...."I don't know what you mean actually and why don't you just shove it your #$%!"

But instead I said, "I'm sorry we don't share his story with strangers."

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to educate myself!" She retorted.

"WELL I'M EDUCATING YOU RIGHT NOW ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN'T ASK PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER MET IN THE PARK WHILE WALKING YOUR DOG!" Is what I screamed inside my head.

Instead I said, "He doesn't know his story yet and so until he knows his past we aren't sharing with people. It will be his decision when he is old enough about what, if anything is shared."

She back offed a bit and tried to tell me some story about her brother's friend's niece's child who was adopted but I wasn't buying it.

I wished her a nice day and we continued on playing. It was the first time someone was so "in your face" about it.

Let the games begin!

Wordless Wednesday

Road Trippin'

Yesterday Ade and I went on a 2 hour tour down south from where we live to visit our friends, The Lawson's.

At first I was a little hesitant about driving 2 hours with my young, rambunctious, sometimes whinny, sweet, but very chatty and loud 2 year old. But then I threw caution to the wind and loaded him up along with the pantry and we set off.

He did so well in the car. He didn't even flinch when we stopped on the side of the road for a wide-open trunk diaper change. I, however, did the fastest diaper change this side of the Rockies because of all the friggin' mosquitoes! Damn, I hate those things!



Ade really wanted to see his friend Neveah who he spent sometime with in the foster home in Ethiopia. They enjoyed their lunch date immensely!



Since Nev celebrated her 2nd birthday not so long ago, Ade thought it would be a good idea to get her a Leap Top as a gift. He loves his so much he thought she would too! And she does!

Now they can email each other! (Kidding, they can't, they're only 2 people!)

Nev's big sister came home from school and hung out with the kiddos! Ade was smitten. He kept re-adjusting how he was sitting next to her in attempts to sit as close as possible.

A great day was had by all! And wee little dude was so pooped out by the time we got in the car he could hardly keep his eyes open. 5 minutes into the drive home he was sound asleep!

Adoption Magazine and NandiKids Giveaway

Alright!

So a pretty fabulous gal who lives in the province next to me started an Adoption Magazine for those folks who have adopted, are in the process of adopting, thinking about adopting or even know someone who is adopting/adopted and wants to better understand what adoption is all about for us Crazy Canucks who live in Canada.

Adoption Magazine

They are doing a giveaway for Nandikids products right now over at the magazine so hop on over and take a peek.

Here's the great thing about this magazine - I didn't know about these hair care products until today.

See. Informative.

Also, they post articles by families who have adopted from all over Canada both internationally and domestically. I always enjoy reading the well written and thought provoking stories. It certainly helps families feel like they aren't in this alone and have a great resource to turn to when needed.

And they even asked if they could post two of my blabblings on their site as well.

Who can believe it!

So go check it out!

So Much Happening to So Many...

...Here and here and here.

Confession Friday

I confess it felt good to write the "Loss" post the other day. If for no other reason, than I have never really openly admitted my loss issues.

I confess Blogger had some "maintenance issues" on Wednesday and lost posts from a certain time of day. It is ironic the post of mine which was lost was a post on loss.

I confess I have decided to parent a la "Modern Family" whilst living in "Cougar Town" because then I could drink red wine all day and drive around in a golf cart. I could be proud of my parenting/relationship fails because Phil and Claire do it so humorously and I want to be just like them. But I don't like red wine so instead of that I would drink Sangria all day. I would still drive around in the golf cart because, HELLO, that would be F. U. N.

I confess now I want to make a giant pitcher of Sangria and sit in the backyard sunning myself. Of course I will be wearing the appropriate SPF so as not to burn.

I confess the wee boy and I had a fabulous morning. Started out by having a dance party to Michael Franti. Then loaded up in the stroller and stopped off at a local bakery to purchase some delectable treats and headed to the park for a picnic!

I confess it is one week until our trip out west. I am looking forward to seeing my momma and family. A little bit dreading the packing and flight.

I confess I went for my first Homeopathic treatment this week. She was great. Did her mystical mojo magic and had me sip various potions while giving her numbers between 1 and 12. Then blended up a heavenly concoction for me to put into 2 cups of water and sip throughout the day. I am to do this daily and so far...IT IS WORKING!

I confess I have started into perimenopause and let me tell you...the fun has begun...if this is only the percursor to then I am afraid of what menopause will bring.

I confess I did a really hard workout on Tuesday doing pistols (one-legged squats) and walking lunges with a 25lb plate overhead and my ass still hurts today.

I confess the wee dude has made significant strides in his language and speech this week. He has probably added 10 new words. Still working on saying please - he just laughs at us and says "More!"

I confess last night I put my tired toddler and sick husband to bed at 7:30p.m. and I curled up on the couch and watched a movie with my Sammi. "Blue Valentine" - excellent movie with amazing performances by the lead actors but if your marriage is in a state of upheaval probably best not to watch it.

Loss

I have been thinking about loss a lot lately. Our boy's loss has triggered some old feelings of loss from when I was young.

My parents split up when I was 7. I didn't see my dad again until I was 26. His choice. No keeping in touch, no birthday cards, no Christmas cards. No contact.

I tried. But I was 7. What does a 7 year old understand when she stands at her father's door and he won't even come to the door but sends his girfriend instead to say he doesn't want to see her.

I needed answers. 19 years later, I wrote a letter, left a phone number and he called me back. Since then we have maybe spoken or seen each other a handful of times. That was 13 years ago.

I used to think it was something I did. His leaving. I would cry at my desk at school. It took me until I was 33 to realize it was nothing I did. What made me realize it? I found out he got married. To the woman he had been with for 20 some years. He never bothered to tell me. It was that day I knew it wasn't me. It was him.

Yvan has never met him. I don't speak of him often. I have made my peace with him.

I work hard at making my peace with the loss. The loss of the person who was supposed to be there. This loss rears its head at funny times. It has made me leary of making friends. I have trust issues. I will probably work thru these issues for the rest of my life.

We all have baggage. We all work at things. This is mine.

I mourn for my loss.

But more than anything I mourn for our son's loss.

I had the oppurtunity to look my loss in the face and ask questions.

I am unsure if Ade will have this chance. We will do what we can. When we can.

I will share my story of loss with him. How can it compare?

We will tell him we love him. That we are there for him.

Comfort him when he cries.

Answer his questions when he asks.

But will it be enough?

Happy Mother's Day to....

....My beautiful,lovely, brave, strong, caring, always-there, Mom who was both my mom and my dad. Thank you for always being there.

...to my mother-in-law who raised the tender, sweet, loving man who became my husband. You did good!

...to all the mothers who made it possible for mothers who might otherwise not have been mothers. Without you our kids (and I a mean it in a we are both their mom way) might not be here today.

...to all my momma friends who have supported me through the last couple of years and more importantly the last couple of months. Even though some of you are still waiting for your kids to come home, or have struggles of your own with your kids you alway stop and take the time to listen to me.

...to all my momma friends have kids in far away places...you are mothers whose hearts are missing a little piece of you but you stand strong for your kids even when you feel don't have much strenght left. The love they will recieve when they are finally in your arms will be amazing!

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful Mamas! Your job is not easy but you all do it with grace, humility, compassion, and love!

I am inspired every day by all the Mamas in my life!

Confession Friday

I confess I am exhausted! I join these two lovely ladies in their exhaustion and the two stage.

I confess I have been avoiding blogging because I didn't want to complain anymore about how hard starting out parenting a 2 year old is. I know so many people are still waiting to bring their kids home and I don't want to seem ungrateful.

I confess we are grateful but starting out parenting for the first time to a 2 year old is f@ck*ng hard!!! I cry daily!

I confess my husband is taking me do something nice today - just the 2 of us - I have no idea what it is.

I confess I was so excited about celebrating my first Mother's day this year but I think I might be too tired to enjoy it!

I confess we have 2 weeks until we go see my mom and family and I really need to have my mom wrap her arms around me and tell me everything is going to be o.k.

I confess I will tell my mom how much I appreciate her being my mom and how I didn't realize how hard it must have been for her and how much I am glad she loved me through the good times and the bad. I will follow her example.

I confess my sweet boy had his immunizations and is pushing 2 teeth this week and he has been a strong little dude about it. He is in really good spirits considering his body is trying to make him otherwise.

I confess we woke up to the biggest, craptasic, poop explosion we have ever seen...how can one little dude have so much poop inside him!

I confess I have to remember to breathe!

Our Boy

3 Months Home!

Friday marked 3 months home as a family.

It has been a roller coaster of a ride since then.

We knew it would be hard but until you are in it you don't know how hard it will be.

There have been some good moments too! We have laughed and snuggled and played!

Our wee dude's personality is showing itself to us more and more everyday. He is a pretty laid back little dude for the most part. He likes to go out for walks in the stroller. Loves to go for car rides and loves to play in the back yard. But you know...he is 2! So some days the 2's take over and you think "Where did you come from?". He is adventurous and not at all afraid to go new places with us.

When we first met him, he was a sick little guy. He had an upper-respiratory chest infection and a rampant scalp infection (we think it was ringworm our peds specialist thinks impetigo) either way, his head was sore. It wasn't until we shaved his head that we realized how bad it was. Poor little guy! We are glad we did it though because his head was almost cleared up by the time we started our long journey home. He also had a belly full of parasites. Some we treated in Ethiopia but the rest we had to treat at home. The Giardia was the worst simply because of the smell. It all seems to be gone.

His energy level runs at about a 10 so he keeps us busy! From the minute he wakes up until we put him to bed he is a playing machine. Now he is starting to play by himself more so that gives us a break for about 15 minutes or so. Hee! And can the child talk! Oh my! He can talk! All day long he is talking!

Ade loves to snuggle and will curl up on the couch with either of us to just hang out. Bath time is a favourite time in our house and going to bed has become a nice routine without much crying (on all of our parts). I think the biggest thing is he is more comfortable and knows we will be there for him if he needs us. He is now sleeping about 11 1/2 hours at night which is fantastic. Oooh, and finally he likes to brush his teeth...mom and dad do it first and then he does it for a bit and he is pretty good at it.

We are told by all he is pretty much a typical 2 year old. Our social worker, whom we love to bits, tells us the attachment is coming nicely! She says "He is primed to attach." and I believe her. He doesn't seek out other people for affection and always wants to come back to us. He is close to his Grandma and Grandpa (gmamama and bumbpa) and loves his Auntie and Uncles. He is a social little dude who loves to play with other kids. Living in a house with close to 60 other kids will probably do that. So we make sure to schedule lots of play dates. Truth be told though he loves it best when Yvan and I are both home together and it is the 3 of us. He seems to be truly happiest then.

He loves the dogs and cat. He probably loves them too much because they hide a lot still right now. Grissy seems to be the exception - he loves wee one yet fears him at the same time. The first couple of days home Ade would scream with fright whenever they came in the room...now he talks about them all the time...especially if we are out. He loves to come home and see them waiting at the door for us.

He is learning words daily! Apple being his favourite word! Apple represents all food so when he is hungry he will say "apple, apple, apple". Food was big trigger for him when we first arrived home. It was awful to watch such a wee babe getting so upset over food. We realized in short order he didn't see meals prepared so when he realized the fridge was where food came from he would stand there and cry all day. Some days he still gets upset if the food doesn't come fast enough but in general he is understanding more and more the food will be there.

When we first got home, he would have eaten anything we put in front of him except bread or crackers. Then all he would eat was bread and crackers. Now we seem to have a nice balance. I still wonder where the child who would eat red peppers and avocado went (ha ha ha) but for the most part he is eating a good selection of foods. He is now picky though so some days he won't eat at all. Well except Apples, he will always eat apples!

He has probably close to 40 words. Car, truck, kitty, puppy, bird, outside, boots, shoes, papa, mama, apple, banana, diaper, potty, bath, grandma, grandpa, uncle, aunt, ball, teeth, eyes, ears, nose, hair, all done, me do, sit down, outside, walk etc...I don't think I will list all 40. His receptive skills are amazing...he understand so much more than he speaks. He is a smart little dude!

At 3 months home we are feeling more settled. Certainly better than when we first came home which is to be expected. There are still hard days (mostly mine) as we adjust to one another. Some days when the 2's rear their ugly head and the tantrums come out in full force you think "Really, I asked for this?"

Being a parent is hard work - harder than anyone can ever tell you but when you see your child making gains and growing each day it is rewarding and can make your heart swell.

First Days in Ethiopia







Home at Last!